Tale of the Missing Plates

Once upon a time there lived a Quirky family of four.

Papa Quirky was a gentle, funny, and quiet soul. Mama Quirky was a loon. Tween Quirky Son was a guitar playing Dude, and Kidlet Quirky was a candy fiend.

One day while Mama Quirky was washing dishes she gasped.

"Where are all the plates? We started out with at least ten, eleven, or twelve and now there are only three? How can this be? Where are they?"

Mama Quirky knew she would have to investigate. She looked in all the kitchen cupboards but only came up with the same three plates.

She looked in the refrigerator on every shelf. First, she moved the milk. Not there. Then she moved an old tupperware bowl filled with mystery leftovers from a couple of months ago. "Oh look at that fuzz." She pushed the bowl a little further back on the right side.

Then she kept looking.

She looked in the freezer. Nope, no plates there.

Then she went into the living room. She snooped behind the sofas, the recliners, why she even lifted the cushions! "Oh that's where my Nintendo DS Lite went to! I've been looking for that for several years now."

Yes, Mama Quirky is the proud owner of a pink Nintendo DS Lite. She couldn't wait to get one!

She looked behind the television and on all the bookshelves. Still no plates.

"This is getting spooky."

She looked in all the hall closets. She poked through blankets coated in a nice layer of dust, why she even searched through the Christmas decorations. That's when she "accidentally" broke a Christmas ball.

Quirky Mama hates shiny aluminum Christmas balls. She only likes the homemade artsy craftsy kind much to Papa Quirky's chagrin.

Quirky Mama continued her thorough investigation. She knew she had to think outside the box, so she went where no plate should ever be: the bathroom. She looked under the sink, in the medicine cabinet (even though they would not fit in there), she even looked in the tub! Who knew what the Kidlet Quirky Son was collecting in there as bath time toys.

Still no plates.

She turned her eye to her room. "Oh, come on! Surely I would know if I had a bunch of plates collecting in my room? Wouldn't I?"

So she started searching her own room. She looked high and low, to the right and to the left, she even looked in-between the mattresses.

Still no plates.

She sighed and stepped back out into the hallway. "Where oh where can my plates be?"

She thought and pondered her dilemma. "I'm missing something here. What am I not thinking of?"

Kidlet Quirky's Room! She slowly opened the door, and just as she expected an avalanche of toys fell against the door. Carefully, she gave the door a couple of good shoves, took a step inside and started looking. She searched through the toy-bins, under the twin beds, in each dresser drawer and finally the most likely place and scariest: the closet. She found the missing pair of pliers that Papa Quirky had been looking for and she found several pairs of scissors. Hmm.

But, still no plates!

"Well I guess that only leaves Tween Quirky Son's room."

Now this was going to get ugly. It had been many moons since she had entered the Tween Cave. At times she had caught glimpses and was mortified at what she saw (and smelled).

"You can do this. You. Can. Do. This." She mentally psyched herself up for what would be a look into the unknown. Sweat beads of fear formed in her pits. She wiped away at her brow. She took a deep breath and reached for the doorknob.

Slowly she turned the knob to the right and...the door creaked opened.

Her eyes opened in terror!

There on the floor were plates! So many of them! And on each and every single plate was a blue-green and yellowish stringy substance. The stench arose at the same time and filled her nostrils with a smell so putrid she almost vomited.

The plates! I found them. She retreated out of the room to go and get some gloves. There was no-way, no-how she was going to handle those random mysterious globs of matter on each plate with her bare hands.

She returned with gloved hands. She started picking up the plates with their mysterious blobs. Her eyes burned. She took them all to the sink and had to soak them for several hours before anyone (Tween Quirky Son) could attempt to wash them.

She returned to the Tween Cave to look some more. She figured the scariest part was over, she was pretty sure all the plates were now present and accounted for. But there was still one bowl missing. "Well, while I'm in here, might as well just check and see if the bowl is in his closet." It was decision she quickly regretted.

With a stab of confidence, she threw open the closet doors and screamed!

There lay the bowl.

In the bowl was the same stringy, blue-green globby substance she had seen (and smelled) on the plates, but this matter was moving!

It was moving towards her!

Something (she later learned it was cheese) had morphed into a living organism in Tween Quirky's closet!

She shrieked again and felt a tugging at her shoulders.

"Wake up Hon!" Papa Quirky was shaking Mama Quirky awake.

"Wha... wha... what?"

"You were dreaming."

Quirky sighed in relief and giggled. "It was only a dream! Whew! Thank goodness! Is Tween Quirky Son eating nachos? Because if he is...."

Papa Quirky interrupted her. "Yeah, tell me about the dream later. Right now I need to know something. Where are all the plates? I was washing the dishes and we only have like three plates?"

*thud*





B.S. Many plates WERE harmed during the production of this post. They'll never be the same.