I Was Wrong.

Yes, there are a few times when the Quirkster gets it wrong. And this is one of those times.

Being a chucklehead? It's a good thing. I knew this. I've always known this, so what happened that I erred so greatly in my humormongering thoughts for yesterday's post?

(flash back)

Many moons ago, Quirky attended a church girl's camp. She was one of four leaders for one group of girls. Our group consisted of nine girls. Hard to believe that they entrusted those young, impressionable, moody minds to someone as quirky as me. I think the other lady leaders offset my quirkiness with their well-rounded normalcy.

Meal times at camp were especially fun, because each group of girls (there were about seven groups in all) had to yell out a group cheer. It was part of the meal routine. Announcements, group yells, a blessing on the food, then the food stampede.

Our little group was somewhat tired on the third day and we were having trouble coming up with a funny and witty group yell. The girls had absolutely NO suggestions. They were being quiet as mice. So as the Quirkster wheels turned in her mind, I was...inspired?

I told our group's head leader, "How about, tick tock, tick tock, we are da bomb?"

Well time was running out, so we went with that one. The problem was that the girl's were still in their "being quiet as mice" mode. So as "we" started our yell...it ended up being that only the main leader was yelling out the cheer and she quickly recognized what was happening and started giving us the evil eye (leaders and girls). Of course instead of jumping in and joining the cheer, we started giggling and laughing. Her eyes opened wider with disgust and anger at us. That only served to make us giggle more. We couldn't stop giggling, but to her credit she persevered and she did that group yell singlehandedly. An unexpected solo act, but she did it.

She was great.

But the problem was that once Quirky gets into giggle mode? It is extremely difficult, if not impossible for her to to reverse it.

We were the last group cheer before they were going to go into prayer mode for the blessing on the food.

But Quirky wasn't ready to switch gears into respectful mode and she was still giggling and laughing. It didn't help that one other leader (who shall remain nameless) was slightly hitting her on her back and still giggling once the prayer began. This only increased the need to giggle and about ten seconds into the sweet, prayer...

"Mmmmm-mmmm-mmmmm-bloo-bloo-bloo-hee-eee-eee-HAAAAAAAA HAAAAAAA HAAAAAAAAA!"

Yep, the Quirkster had busted out in a huge screaming laughing fit! AND...she couldn't stop. Through the entire prayer, Quirky was bustin' a gut with loud guffaws.

The prayer ended and EVERYBODY, and I do mean EVERYBODY was looking at Quirky, who STILL had the audacity to keep on laughing.

"I'm sorry *snort snort*. I didn't mean to *snort snort snort*. I'm sorry...I don't know what happened *snort snort SNORT* I'm sooo..."

The girls and leaders in our group were busting up. Many other groups of girls were also laughing. Many of the other leaders were pointing at me and snickering. Many were shaking their heads at me.

I was so embarrassed.

But I kept on laughing.

To this day, those girls remember when Quirky busted a gut during the blessing on the food. They love to remind me of it and it gets us all laughing again.

The more I think about it, I'm glad. These girls will always have this funny and silly memory of me being a major chucklehead.

I was chucklehead then, and I am a chucklehead now.

Absolutely nothing wrong with that. I had forgotten what a beautiful and humorous thang it is...to be a chucklehead.

I now know to own it, be proud of it.

Being a chucklehead is not bad thing.

I was wrong, very very wrong.

Don't Be A Chucklehead

If your friend starts snacking on too many jalapeno poppers (jalapenos stuffed with cream cheese) and then you see your friend running to the bathroom and hear him let out a huge fart-a-rat-tat-tat-tat into the toilet bowl...

Don't be a chucklehead.

If you walk up on somebody who is listening to his IPOD while doing yard work and he is singing out loud in a falsetto voice, "Having my baby. I'm a woman in love and I love what you're doin' to me," and then you tap on him on the shoulder and he shrieks like a girl...

Don't be a chucklehead.

If you watch someone bending over to pick up some trash and you hear a huge tearing and ripping noise so loud that a group of young girls across the street start snickering and laughing and pointing at that person...

Don't be a chucklehead.

If while at church, you hear a baby fart out really loud during a prayer...

Don't be a chucklehead.

If you see somebody walking by a mirror and they thumbs-up and wink at themselves...

Don't be a chucklehead.

If you happen to bust somebody digging for gold in their nose...

Don't be a chucklehead.

If you watch a beautiful, mean and snobby girl in a pair of insanely high heeled shoes suddenly biff it and twist her ankle...

Don't be a chucklehead.

Because if you laugh out loud?

Then you are a chucklehead.

And being a chucklehead is not a good thing.

Not good at all.

Chuck, chuck, goose!

*chuckle*

A Quirky Confession or Two

I wasn't going to tell anybody.

But I guess now is as good a time as any to confess.

I'm a scribbler.

I keep a special notebook just for blogging ideas. I carry it with me at all times, so if I see something that strikes me as funny, I can write it down immediately.

If I don't do this?

I FORGET!

Trust me you don't know how many times I've said to myself, "Okay that would be funny to blog about."

Five minutes later.

"What was it I was going to blog about again? It was soooo funny and now I can't remember it! Criminy!"

I'm not lying.

This happened to me so many times til I finally got a clue.

I need a scribbling tool.

So I purchased a notebook and use it all the time. Sitting at McDonald's Play Area is an especially blog inspiring experience.

One of these days, I'm gonna go sit at a WalMart store. As of now, it's too tempting not to shop when I go there. One time I want to go there JUST to people watch. Ooooh, I'm tingling with blog fodder anticipation!

Ha!

So back to scribbling. Unbeknownst to me somebody has noticed my scribbling! Well, not my actual scribbling but the end product of my scribbling...this blog. The notable C.B. Jones has awarded the Quirkyloon (that would be me) the:

(drum roll please)

Superior Scribbler Award!

Ta da!


Thank-you berry berry much Mr. C.B. Jones!

Unfortunately, there are a ton of rules in accepting this award. Not that there's anything wrong with that and not that it is not worth it. But go ahead and take a looky loo.

Superior Scribbler Award:

*Each Superior Scribbler must in turn pass The Award on to 5 most-deserving Bloggy Friends.

*Each Superior Scribbler must link to the author & the name of the blog from whom he/she has received The Award.

*Each Superior Scribbler must display The Award on his/her blog, and link to This Post, which explains The Award.

*Each Blogger who wins The Superior Scribbler Award must visit this post and add his/her name to the Mr. Linky List. That way, we'll be able to keep up-to-date on everyone who receives This Prestigious Honor!

Another confession: I've never done the Mr. Linky! But I did it for the first time ever (look at me! I'm number 898!) and I actually did it right. Wow and whew! This Mr. Linky business puts so much pressure on me.

Anyhoo, I'm too busy scribbling to worry to much about Mr. Linky.

But there are other scribblers that I would love to pass this award onto because you scribble, I scribble, we all scribble and that's what makes the blogosphere a scribbly and fun place to be!

Without further ado (or scribbling) these are my nominees for the Superior Scribbler Award.

The envelope please.

(I know you're holding your breath, hoping that you are one of them, eh? Don't forget to keep smiling, you never know when the camera might pan to you.)

Mr. Nonamedufus at hisNonamedufus blog.

(applause)

Ms. Skye at Weekly Injection of Chuckles.

(applause)

Ms. Cat Lady Larew at How to Become a Cat Lady Without the Cats.

(applause)

Ms. K a b l o o e y at her Kablooey Quest blog.

(applause)

And last, but not least, my BBFF! She knows who she is. But I'll spell it out for you anyway.

Reffie at Confessions of a Reforming Geek!

And the winner is...

Is...

All of youse!

Yes, all of you come up on stage now and accept your Superior Scribbler's Award. Now, now, no time for speeches, we're running late.

It's amazing how effective blog-bribes work. *wink, wink*

And that, my friends, is my final confession for the day.

Scribble On!

Let's Jam the Toe Jam!

Click play, cross your arms, and get ready to snap your fingers.

	Theme - The Addams Family
	Found at bee mp3 search engine

They're creepy and they're kooky,
Mysterious and goopy,
They're all together oozing,
The toe jam of Quirky.

Her big toes are repulsive
Yet zombies long to see 'em
They really are a scree-umm
The toe jam of Quirky.

(Feet)
(Reek)
(Sten-chy)

So get yourself some futspa
A potent anti fungal
We're gonna put some drops on
The toe jam of Quirky.


A little "song" to get us started on a not so pleasant subject. You can thank the wonderful, creative, and most of all funny bloggers at HumorBloggersDotCom for the stinky idea to blog about... feet!

Yes folks, it is the Humor Bloggers Feet Friday event extraordinaire!

Take a deep sniff, erm, I mean breath.

It's already smelling... not quite like roses in here. Sorry. (Quirky blushes.)

As you can see (see above image if you need an unpleasant a reminder). It appears that I am having some personal problems with my tired, zombified dogs. And...as I was comforting my decomposing tootsies and telling them how things will get better eventually... what? You don't talk to your toes? I thought everybody did. Anyhoo, my toe talkin' reminded me about a crazy little mysterious thing called...toe jam.

So what is toe jam?

Is it jam we spread on our toast?

No, no, no, no, NO! Toe jam should never been mistaken for strawberry jam. There is a slight difference in taste, texture and color. And you'll just have to trust me when I say that strawberry jam is much tastier on toast. Unless you are an ogre, than anything is game to go on toast.

So is toe jam another English expression to describe the movement of a toe dancing to Aerosmith rock music?

Hmm. Very well could be and with good reason. After all, we know that toes love to jam to the classic tunes of Steven Tyler, Joe Perry and the boys. Oh, you didn't know this? Go ahead, turn on your IPOD or MP3 player and play some Aerosmith. I guarantee you, your toes will be dancing and jamming in no time. My toes especially love jamming to Dream On, Pink, Angel, Sweet Emotion and Livin' on the Edge.

Perhaps toe jam is nothing more than another "redneck" expression. I took the liberty of looking up the word for you and from the American Rednecks Slang Dictionary of the Quirky Kind, "toe jam" describes the past action of telling.

"Didja show Aunt Lolita and Uncle Beau where the outhouse be?"

"Oh yeah. I toe jam. It's a good thing I did too, cuz I didn't want them to use that chamberpot by mistake. It's got our pig feet marinatin' in it right now. It's gonna be a goooood barbecue! So yessiree, dont'choo be worryin'. I most definitely toe jam."

Ugh.

Okay. I'll just go ahead and put you out of your toe jam misery. According to Allwords dot com toe jam is "the accumulated matter in between the digits of the foot."

Ah! Mystery solved. Somehow I think you all might have already known this. But in case you didn't know, now you do.

We all do!

Happy happy joy joy!

And now my toes? They feel like jamming!

Toe jam and all.

(Quirky turns up the Aerosmith music to 110 decibel level.)

CAN YOU HEAR THE MUSIC?

LET'S JAM!

Toe jam.

(Quirky scrunches up her nose and sniffs.)

Criminy! Where is the corn starch?


Don't forget to visit Humor Bloggers dot com to read other funny feet posts!

Death by Chocolate!

Okay, you and I have already had the AXE body spray discussion with the Bom Chicka Wow Wow commercials.

Need a refresher (pun intended)? Click here.

Well Quirky Son has taken it to a new level and I'm afraid his motivation this time is definitely a... girl!

Dun, dun, dun!

"Mom, Hannah stares me all the time. She follows me. Mom, I have her in THREE of my classes. Mom, Hannah had to introduce another student who likes to play guitar and you know what she said?"

"What?"

"He's just like Harold" (not Quirky son's real name *smile*)

"And Mom? Today Hannah brought some AXE Chocolate flavored body spray and she kept on spraying it on herself and telling me to come smell her."

Quirky's eyebrows raised questioningly.

"I know Mom. It's weird!" he said with a huger than huge smile on his face.

"Seems to me that you liked it."

"Mom!"

"So, did you?"

"Did I what?"

"Did you sniff her?"

"Mo-om!"

A few hours later.

"Mom?"

"Yes?"

"Can you take me to the store? I need to buy some things."

"What do you need?"

"Just some stuff."

"Ask your Dad if he'll take you, I'm blogging busy right now."

"Okay."

An hour later:

"Mom, look what I bought."

Quirky son starts to unload a heavy laden bag.

AXE Dark Temptation/Chocolate Body Spray
AXE Dark Temptation/Chocolate Anti-Perspirant and Deodorant
AXE Dark Temptation/Chocolate Shampoo
AXE Mini Dark Temptation/Chocolate Body Spray

*sigh*

"I thought you didn't like that Hannah was spraying that smell all day."

"I never said that, Mom."

"I guess you didn't, did you?"

Quirky Son exits with stash and a huger than huge grin on his face.

This new phase is going to kill me.

Slowly.

Death by chocolate.

AXE style.

Bodies For Clunkers

On the heels of the government's Cash for Clunkers auto program comes a new program for all U.S. citizens.

Bodies for Clunkers.

Yes, you can turn in your clunker of a body for a newer year, make and model. Imagine life with a new body that will replace your already dreary, tired, leaking, unhealthy, gas soda pop guzzling body. (Not diet soda, just regular soda does damage. Studies have shown that Diet Dr. Pepper is especially helpful in adding years and quality to a body's life.)

When thinking of trading in your old body for a new body consider these important questions:

1. Does the body exhibit any strong noises or jerks? Could be an indication of Tourette's Syndrome


2. Any delays or troubles shifting? Ease of movement is a necessity with a new body. Or even more frightening, shift delays could be a symptom of defective neural synapses.


3. Does the kick-down function work? It's very important to be able to chill out quickly. Chillaxle, erm, I mean chillax.


4. Any leaks? Constant runny nose, not a good thing.


5. Any noises while driving? Some noise is acceptable, too much noise is annoying.


6. Any trouble to shift into reverse? New body must be able to walk backwards.


7. Does the car, erm, I mean body bounce too much when you push one of the corners down? Too much jiggle and wiggly stuff might be the sign of excess baggage or a spare midriff tire or two.


8. Do the tires, erm, I mean legs show irregular wear? Could be the sign of an alignment problem. Huge podiatrist bills might be in your future with this type of model.


9. Any knocking or creaking noises when driving over bumps? Again, emphasis on the joints, they cannot and should not be creaky.


10. Any humming or growling noise? Well this is to be expected during times while waiting in waiting rooms and when hungry.


11. Any "bad" records in its VIN, erm, I mean SSN report? We don't want any nasty bad credit surprises in the future do we?


12. Does the car, erm, I mean body, come with any or all maintenance/doctor records and mileage proof, erm, I mean birth certificate? If you plan on travelling in your new body, a certified copy of your birth certificate is a must.


13. Has the car passed its last Emission Test? A must. No odoriferous bodies please. You will never get rid of the smell.


14. Lots of rusty spots? Too many age spots will result in a too similar model as the one you are already using.


15. Any oil or coolant leaks from the engine? Again, unless you have invested in DEPENDS Underwear Company, you might want to reconsider if the body model has, erm, leaks.


16. Any smoke? Non smokers only. Trust me on this one.


17. Does the air conditioner provide really cold air? A must for those living in the hot Arizona desert (and for future hot flashers).


18. Does the Radio/CD/Tape work? Only those models that can play and remember songs are worth having.

Act now! The government is setting aside 250 Trillion dollars as part of a stimulus package to help the American public with Health Reform and the still slow economy.

Well.

I don't know about you, but I'm getting an extra Body for Clunkers as a back up. Now where to get an extra unused body to trade in.

Hmm.

Times are tough.

Dating in the Dark

Oh my gawsh.

Major snortage going on in the Casa De Quirky on Monday night.

I caught a new show on television. I don't know how long it's been on. It's another reality dating television show. And we all know that we need more reality series in t.v. land. I can only watch so many episodes of Law & Order a day. (That show is ALWAYS on.)

The premise of Dating in the Dark: they meet, talk, and even canoodle in the dark, but they do not get to "see" each other until the end of a few days. Seeing each other in the "light" is the final exam to determine whether or not the couples want to try dating.

"She didn't wow me."

"We had such a great connection in the dark, but now that I see him. I'm not so sure."

I was surprised (I shouldn't have been), I fell for the show and it's "editing." The one couple I was sure was not going to get together...did. The other two that I thought would end up getting together...left their potential partners on the balcony watching them hurry away with suitcase in hand.

What is it about people that want to put themselves out there in such a high profile fashion to see if they are going to be accepted or rejected. Why do this on national television?

And it's just not the rejection. What about being shown as an incredibly shallow and superficial person?

I remember my dating days (kinda) and I certainly wanted no part of my ending romances being publicized to everyone. Very tender feelings and tender hurting hearts during tender times. Do people really enjoy public humiliation? And it's much easier to say no to someone in private and not have the hundreds of viewers (if this show is lucky!) judging a person as being superficial.

The real joke is that those contestants who felt their potential partner was not handsome/beautiful enough? They needed a parting gift as they walked out the door. A mirror!

Just sayin'.

Don't even get me started on the Bachelor/Bachelorette series.

Gah.

Yeah, I want to go on television and KNOW before hand that my potential mate WILL BE cheating on me and wooing other women.

A solid formula for success.

Whoo-hoo.

Sign me up.

Oh wait.

I'm already married.

Whew!

Anyhoo, is it any wonder why almost every reality romance fails?

I feel for single people who are dating in this day and age. It must be brutal. Being perceived as superficial or getting rejected can hurt and that's why it should be kept somewhat private, not on national television.

I felt badly for the two guys. Their "girls" dumped them.

Maybe the show should be called, "Dumping in the Dark."

And if I ever find myself single again (not gonna happen *smile*), I'll just stick to "Dancing in the Dark."

Bruce Springsteen.

Rock on brotha!

*snort*

Who Put the Long in Long-Term?

Dear Long-Term Side Effects,

How do I say this gently? I guess I'll just come right out and say it. I think we need some time apart. You've been with me now for... two years? I will totally understand if you feel the need to move on. Surely there are other people waiting for you. Go! Go and see them, if you must. I won't be offended. Not at all.

Now please don't feel guilty. I can support you and your need to take some time away from me. I understand. It is past time. You need to go. Please don't let me stop you. I never meant to make you feel like you had to stay this long.

We have been bonding for sometime now and sometimes "absence does make the heart grow fonder." So go forth and do what you have to do. Take as much time as you need. I promise I won't hold anything against you, even if you have to stay away for a long, long time.

Really, it will be okay. I'll get along fine without you. I'm not just saying this, to make you feel better about leaving. I mean it...sincerely.

You have taught me a lot while you've been here and now I think I can handle things on my own. I have you to thank for that. Go and know that you have my blessing.

Thank-you.

Sincerely,

Quirky

----------------

Okay, so I never wanted this blog to be my medical/pain/aches diary.

So I leave a lot out about what's going on with my "medicinal self."

But this last weekend things came to a head and I couldn't ignore the pain. My oncologist tells me that one of my necessary meds is probably the cause of my never ending pain. Every month when I see him, I tell him. "I still hurt." He says, "I know. It's the medication. But we can't stop the medication, Sandie. It could be disastrous. We want you to stay basically cancer-free. The two spots you have are not being destructive. We need to stick with this regimen. It's working. The pain? It's called a long-term side effect."

Let me add it's very heavy on the "long."

I've had a lot of these long-term thingies.

Basically, it hurts to be me.

Again, it's the lesser of two evils. I'd rather be in this pain than chemo and radiation therapy pain.

So with a grin, I try to bear it.

I'm not trying to paint myself as a martyr. I'm certainly not the only person on the planet that lives with pain and I certainly won't be the last, but pain is as pain does and it's just part of my life.

It's still all good.

Yes, my son with some Quirky Mom interference wrote my blog yesterday. I made him read it to me and showed him how to italicize and bold. It was my idea to put in the "Fails." He didn't want to do that, he thought it was too mean. I thought it would be funny! Ooops.

Is my "funny" mean?

Nah.

Right?

Right?

*smile*

But I do thank him for his smile while he did it. I think he enjoyed it more than he let on. A future blogger? Probably.

He's a good kid (most of the time). Hee hee.

Just as I am a funny blogger (most of the time).

Right?

Right?

Funny, I can't hear you. We must have a bad connection.

Or...

Is this another one of those long-term side effect thingies?

Probably.


Note to self: Ask Dr. if loss of sense of humor is another long-term side effect.

Mom Fail!

Tap, tap, tap....

Is this thing on?

Umm, I'm Quirkyloon's son and she asked me to write something for her blog today. She's feeling sick...again.

My Mom is always sick, so she needs me to help her with a lot of stuff, especially with the shopping. She says thank-you a lot when I do things for her, but I don't always get her sense of humor. But I still like to help her, you know. I should since she's sick a lot.

Like whenever we go to the store, I load up all the groceries and then unload them at the house and then sometimes I even put all the stuffs away. Now that school is started I don't know what she's doing without me to help her with the shopping. Well actually, I do know. She waits til I get home from school and then we "conveniently" go shopping. Sigh.

Shopper Fail

And have you heard her sing? It's soooo bad. She thinks she sings good. And she's always doing it everywhere we go. Especially at the grocery stores and people give her weird looks and she doesn't even care! I'm so embarrassed that I have to walk about three feet behind her. And then she gets upset with me, because I'm too slow. Sigh.

Singer Fail

And I think she has told you all (who are all of you and why are reading my Mom's blog?) about how she is addicted to Diet Dr. Pepper. You would not believe how many times she sends me to the kitchen to get her a cup of ice and a two liter bottle of Diet Dr. Pepper. She wants to keep the two liter bottle of soda in her room! Can you believe that? She doesn't let me keep soda in my room. That's not fair. And I'm not even addicted to pop like she is.

Soda Fail

Another thing about my Mom that I really don't get? She likes zombies. She's always talking about them. I mean she has even been reading a bunch of zombie books. I think it's weird. And somebody told her about a PC game called Plants vs. Zombies and that's all my Mom wants to do all day is play that game. Everytime I come into her room she's at the computer playing that weird game. Once she let me play it for a little while, but she got antsy and told me it was her turn again. I don't get it. I thought kids were supposed to like video games, not Moms. I wish she would like something else like MarioKart. That's one of my favorite games.

Video Game Fail

I was so surprised when I got my Mom hooked on SpongeBob SquarePants and the iCarly shows. She actually asks me all the time when those shows are on the television. Sometimes I walk into her room and she's already watching it. And there doesn't have to be a kid in the room. I thought she would want to watch a more mature show like Law & Order or something. But I guess it's kinda good that she likes to watch my shows. Now if only I could get her to watch Wizards of Waverly Place on the Disney channel. That Selena Gomez is really hawt. But please don't tell my Mom about that. She likes to embarrass me...sometimes.

Selena Gomez Fail

All in all she's a pretty good Mom. I know she can be weird sometimes, but I guess that makes her kinda fun too. I mean she loves rock-n-roll music and she loves to hear me jam some Aerosmith or Led Zeppelin tunes. She encourages me to play my guitar all the time. I'm glad she's my Mom even though she embarrasses me... a lot. Getting embarrassed by your Mom? So not cool.

Cool Mom Fail

Thanks for reading, I know I'm not as funny as my Mom is, but she was so out of it, and is obssessed with this blog too. Sigh. I was surprised when she asked me to write this, but she's my Mom, what am I gonna do? Say no? I don't think so.

Bye.

(Quirky's son makes a peace sign)

Peace out.




B.S. Her sickness this time isn't cancer related, she thinks she has the Swine Flu. She's very achy and so tired she can't even get out of bed. Does anybody know why my Mom told me to write "B.S."? I thought it was "P.S." Probably another strange thing only my Mom does. Whatever.

Zombie Rap

	Vanilla Ice - Ice Ice baby
	Found at bee mp3 search engine

Yo You Zombie

Let's kick it

Zombie baby

Zombie baby

All right stop congregate and listen
Night is back with some brand new undead
Something--grabs a hold of me tightly
Soul like a bad ghoul daily and nightly
Will it ever stop yo I don't know
Turn off the lights and eyes glow
To the zombie I rock the night like a scoundrel
Look at some flesh and grab a bunch with a handle
Dance--go rush the zombie that moans
They're killing your brainz like a poisonous mushroom
Deadly--when I play undead melodies
Anything lives becomes dead and del'cacy
Shove it or leave it you better not say
You better hit zombie's cuz they don't play
If there was a problem yo I'll solve it
Check out the droolz while my zombie's evolvin'

CHORUS
Zombie baby (vanilla)
Zombie baby (vanilla)
Zombie baby (vanilla)
Zombie baby (vanilla)

Now that the party is jumpin'
With zombified in and zombies are pumpin'
Quick to be scared to the point no faking
Cooking brainz like a pound of bacon
Burning them it ain't quick and limbo
I go crazy when I hear a man moan
And a hard-hat with a souped up gobble
I'm on my toes and it's time to go solo
Tryin'--make my fire burn slow
With--a gobble down so I won't chunks blow
The zombies on standby, loopy heads, ready bites
Did you stop--no I just drove by
Kept on--runnin' to the next stop
I bust a left and I'm heading to the next block
The block was dead
Yo so I continued to A One A (army bunkeroos)
Zombies hot wearing less than bikinis
Zombies love driving them Lamborghinis

Jealous 'cause I'm so de-ter-mined
Blog with a bite and Quirky's lost her mind
Looking for undeads in halls
Undeads acting ill because they're full of moth balls
Zombie groans out like a bell
I grabbed my knife all I heard were yells
Falling--on the concrete real fast
Jumped in my car passed me some gas
Zombie to Zombie the avenue's packed
I'm trying to get away before the zombies 'tack
Police on the scene you know what I mean
They passed me up confronted all the zom-bees
If there was a problem yo I'll solve it
Check out the brainz while my zombie's evolvin'

Zombie baby (vanilla)
Zombie baby (vanilla)
Zombie baby (vanilla)
Zombie baby (vanilla)

Take heed 'cause I'm a lyrical poet
Zombie's on the scene just in case you didn't know it
My town--that created all the chaos
Enough to shake and put souls in the ground
'Cause my smell's like a chemical spill
Zombified rhymes that you can vision and fear
They hunters and formed
This one heck of a zarmy
They make it hype and you want to be wicked
Game players be un-dead evil zombies
Dread like a hammer blade so fast
Making zombies say BAM!
If my brainz was a drug I'd sell it by the gram
Keep my composure when it's time to vamoose
Magnetized by the night while I kick Zomb juice
If there was a problem yo I'll solve it
Check out the brainz while they evolvin'

Zombie baby (vanilla)
Zombie baby (oh-oh vanilla)
Zombie baby (vanilla)
Zombie baby (vanilla ice)

Un Dead let's get out of here

Word to your Zombie

Zombie baby too cold
Zombie baby too cold too cold
Zombie baby too cold too cold
Zombie baby too cold too cold

Canada or Bust!

"Honey, I've made a decision for our family."

"Oh?"

"We are moving to Canada!"

Quirky husband sighs and rolls his eyes.

(Quirky continues)

"Now hear me out. I've been Googling this for some time now. Once you hear my reasons, you will agree with me that moving to Canada is a must for the Quirky family.

"It doesn't matter that Canada is one of the top five world's producers of gold, copper, zinc, nickel, aluminum, and natural gas. It also doesn't matter that a lot of really smart people live there as indicated by the fact that they have the highest tertiary education enrollment in the world! Nor does the fact that Canada has only one measly desert (no more desert...please!) and that half of Canada is covered with forests (can you feel the cool, crisp breezes?) motivate me to want to move there.

"It also matters not that the baseball glove was invented in Canada. Or that the board game Trivial Pursuit was created by two Canadians: Chris Haney and Scott Abbott. Yachtzee, Balderdash and Pictionary were created by Canadians too. And you know that Balderdash and Pictionary are two of my favorite board games ever.

"And think of all the funny people that have hailed from the Great White North like comedians John Candy, Dan Ackroyd, Rick Moranis, Martin Short, Jim Carrey, and Leslie Nielsen. Plus remember the infamous 'Hoser' Brothers, I mean McKenzie Brothers? Lots of laughs...lots of laughs, eh?

"And really now, we can easily overlook the fact that one of Canadas' national sports is Lacrosse, or how silly those Mountie hats look like. Furthermore, we can and we will have to overlook anything that has the syllables 'pou' and 'tine' whether it (poutine) be in Canada or not! *shudders*

"But the most important reason that cannot be ignored or overlooked is the fact that their one dollar coin is called...a loonie!"

I feel at home already!




Sources:
Canada Fun Facts
Facts About Canada

Bad Blog Blood

Do you feel bogged down with your blog?

Is your blog plagued with blog awards along your blog artery walls?

Do you struggle to keep your blog active and maintain a healthy amount of followers?

You may be suffering from high bloglesteral. Studies show that blogs with a high concentration of widgets can cause high bloglesteral plaque which builds up along your blog walls. High bloglesteral can lead to blog-stroke, blog-arterial disease, blog-attacks or worse: blog-death.

If any or all of these factors are an issue for you, then let me tell you about a new drug developed for bloggers worldwide: Blogitor©. If you have been blogging for more than than one hour you may be suffering from this condition: high bloglesteral.

Why put yourself and your blog at risk? Take action now and call your doctor and see if Blogitor ©; is the answer for you.

With Blogitor©:

• Lessen your chances today of a blog-stroke or an all out blog attack.


• Lower your blog LDM (Lame Drivel Material) bloglesterol levels. LDM is a leading factor that directly contributes to high bloglesterol levels and often results in abandoned or never read blogs.


• Lower your widgetrides (The need for numerous widgets found in many blogs, more widgets is not always good.)


• Raise HQM (High Quality Material) Or in other words "good" blog fodder.

Healthy blogging and keeping your blog active are the first steps. But when healthy blogging and blog activity are not enough? Work with your doctor (psychologist) to set your bloglesterol goals.

Blogitor© is available with a doctors' prescription at Walgreens and WalMart pharmacies.

Anti-Quirky Matter!

Oh my goodness!

I knew it, I knew it, I just knew it!

I was watching The History Channel's show The Universe. One of the topics being discussed was anti-matter.

In nutshell, if there is matter, then there is anti-matter which is its exact opposite. Not a problem until they bump into each other and then whammo! Both "are annihilated."

Nice.

Why is this nice?

Well in the episode they brought up the fact that when a person (quirky or not) gets a PET scan, the tracer that is injected into the persons' vein as part of the procedure is....

Anti-matter!

Dun, dun, dun!

So these radiologist technicians have injected ME with the darn anti-matter stuffs every three months for TWO FREAKIN' YEARS!

Granted, I have not been annihilated...yet.

BUT, how many sub-atomic cells in my quirky being have been annihilated? This stuff is supposed to travel all over the Quirkys' body so they can have a metabolic looky loo and what is going in there.

So far the results have been pretty positive. No activity or extremely low activity of cancer.

Whew!

BUT, I'm thinking that unbeknownst to my doctors SOME cellular annihilation has definitely been going on. It must be happening.

It really explains so much.

I have become so much ditzier in the last two years. It's pathetic. There are so many times when I cannot recall the simplest of phrases or words, that I KNOW I used to know. I used to be able to recall phrases and facts with much more ease than now.

Sad, but true.

And here I thought it was just chemo-brain. Yes, studies have shown that the lovely toxins that make up chemo potions can cause brain-farts.

And I still have yet to find any Beano for brain-farts. Braino?

I don't think so.

So between chemo-brain and anti-matter positrons being injected to me on a quarterly basis, I think it's safe to say...

I'm doomed.

Bring on the Zombies!

They can have my brainz.

Brainz!

Pristiq Critique

Have you seen the commercials for the anti-depressant Pristiq?

*dozing off*

WHAT was that? Oh yeah, excuse me. Anyhoo, they are so annoying.

I am an unashamed partaker of anti-depressants (not Pristiq) and from first-hand experience I can tell you: I don't want... to... be... (yawn) wound up.

*snooze*

Did I just doze off? (shakes it off) I need... I... need... to be wound... down.

*snorting snore*

Re...laxed.

Or even better...

*yawn, yawn, YAWN*

Chillaxin'.   Like I... am... right... now....

*snooze*

Darn it! I'm sorry I dozed off again. So those annoying Pristiq commercials show a doll toy that needs to be wound up for energy.

I get it.

Sometimes depression can result in... leprosy... erm, I mean... lethargy.

*snooze*

Where am I? Oh yeah. Not that that ever happens to me. (yawn) But for me (and probably many others) I just need something to take the edge off of things. With... regular... usage... what was I saying? (bigger yawn) Oh yeah. With regular usage of my pills, I'm not so easily overwhelmed and my moods aren't so extreme.

*snorting snore*

I'm sorry I can't seem to keep my energy level going here. But getting all wound up in life?

Nu-uh.

Not for... you... erm, I mean the Quirkyloon.

*snooze*

Oh, excuse me, I just dozed off in the middle of typing this post.

I'm sort of in a lazy and drowsy state of mind.

*snooze*

Whoops! I did it again.

Looks... like... it might be time for my daily eight-hour nappy-poo.

Yeah, time to go to my "happy" place.

*snort, snort, snoooooze*

Then I'll be able to put on my... put on what? Oh yeah, (yawn) a happy face.

Happy!

Happy!

*snooze*

J...oy...

Jo...

*snooze*

Eight hours later.

Oh my gawsh! Did I forget to blog?

Did I?

I'll check... in... a... minute.

But first...

I need to lie down.

*zzzzzzzzzzz*

Times: They Are A'Changin'

Three whole days into junior high school and already I am stumped. Go ahead and take a look into the deeply evolving relationship between Quirky (Q) and her son (QS).

Not to self: Take a deep breath Q.

Inhale in. Exhale out.

Repeat as needed.

Okay, I'm ready.

Conversation #1

QS: Mom, you know who my favorite teacher is?

Q: Who?

QS: My P.E. teacher. And he is the strictest of all my teachers. He doesn't let us get away with anything.

Q: Wait, you actually like the strictest teacher?

QS: Yeah Mom, he's a good teacher.

Q: How come you don't like it when I'm strict with you?

QS: Um, Mom. Come on. You know. You're like my Mom.

Q: (thinking) And...?

Conversation #2

QS: Mom, guess what happened to me at lunch today?

Q: What happened?

QS: A gangster guy came up to me. He looked me up and down. Gave me a quick nod of his head and said, "Whatup Dawg." Then he knuckle-bumped me. So I guess the gangsters think I'm cool.

Q: (forces a fake smile while thinking) Oh my heavens! Should I be worried? Gangsters like my son? Is this a good thing? Maybe he has protection from bullies? But who will protect him from the gangsters? This can't be a good thing, can it?

Q: Oh that's good, I think.

QS: Don't worry Mom, it's all cool. They think I'm cool. I get to wear shorts now (the elementary school he attended did not allow shorts). And it shows all the hair on my legs Mom. I have a lot more hair than the other guys at school.

Q: And this is what makes you cool?

QS: Oh yeah, Mom. It's manly.

Q: Say what?


Conversation #3

QS: Mom guess what?

Q: What, Son?

QS: I'm kinda... (grins) I'm kinda...the class clown in my English class.

Q: (rolling my eyes) Oh really? Surprise, surprise!

QS: (chuckling) Yeah, it's fun making people laugh.

Q: (smiling and thinking of her blog) I know, Son. I know.

Conversation #4

QS: Mom, my science teacher is really cool. She told us today that she likes to play Rockband. And she's really into physical fitness.

Q: So is she hawt?

QS: What?

Q: Is she hawt? She's into working out and playing Rockband, is she hawt?

QS: (incredulous and embarrassed look on his face) Mom. I can't believe you're actually asking me this question.

Q: She must be hawt.

QS: Mom! Stop it!

------------------------

Yes, times are a'changin' in the Casa De Quirky.

Indeed.

Oh AND...

I found a picture of Selena Gomez sandwiched between his Slash of Guns N Roses and Aerosmith posters on his bedroom wall. I thought it was funny contrast: little cute Ms. Actress/Pop Queen versus the die-hard Rockers.

Q: So you like Selena Gomez, huh?

QS: Mom? She. Is. Hawt!

I was stumped. He walked away laughing at me.

Hey!

That's not how it's supposed to work.

I'm supposed to be the one laughing.

Me, not him!

Me, me, me, me, me, ME!

Yep, things are definitely changing.

A Defensive Tick

Hey, Tommy Tick here.

I hear Quirkyloon has been giving me and my brothers and sisters a bad rap.

What is up with her? Why is she such a hater?

So I am a blood-feeding parasite. Yes, I sink my teeth and a feeding tube into my lucky host. Then I suck on their sweet, delicious blood.

Rumor has it that Q likes zombies and vampires. Aren't they parasites too? My little bite is nothing compared to the bite of a zombie or a vamp.

She's got it in for me and my superfamily, the lxodoidea.

Anyhoo, I just need some blood for a few days. I'm just looking to grow my two extra legs. Everyone knows that anytick that is anytick has eight legs. With my six little legs, nobody will take me seriously.

I hate that. Just because I am a young tick doesn't mean I'm stupid or that I don't understand the world around me. Those adult ticks think they know everything. They don't know ME!

And once I am a mature tick with eight legs, then I can drop off, find me a nice lady tick and get hitched.

With this economy, my tickwife and I can afford to buy ourselves a real nice crack or crevice in a house somewhere in the country with lots of high grass for our future little ones to hold onto until they find their own host and the cycle of life will go on.

I just want to....

Whoa Nellie!

I mean, whoa Quirky!

Dang it! She's got me.

Uh oh, I know what comes next.

No! No, no, no, nooooo! It's the white cloth!

I'm surrounded! I'm trapped. I can sense the warmth of her finger beneath me and now I can feel the air pressure changing rapidly as her other finger comes...

Down...

On....

Me...

*POP*

(tiny high-pitched voice fading) Help me! Help me! Wait, that's my body down there. Then where am I? Why I'm floating upward. What does this mean...? Where am... I... going...?

Quirkyloon: Gotcha sucka! Another bubble-wrap tick bites the dust! Yeah!

Tommy Tick: Why this is beautiful! Look at all the grass! And is that a dog I see over there? I've died and gone to heaven! Apparently, not only do all dogs go to heaven, but...

All ticks go to heaven too.

Ugh.

Magic Picture!

Tick.

Tock.

The tick ran up the clock?

I'm still ticked folks.

This problem has been weighing heavily on my mind.

I think I've had a e-piticky, erm, I mean epiphany.

I am looney.

Looney comes from the word luna-tic?

See where I'm going?

Perhaps, could it be...the ticks are drawn to me.

I am the Queen Loonatick and the ticks are my followers?

More like my minions.

Anyhoo, this problem is overwhelming me. I'm actually starting to dream of ticks at night.

It's not pleasant, folks.

But for some strange reason I keep seeing this picture in my dream.



What?

Then it hit me.

Do you see it?

Looky, looky!

It's a tick.

A tick is IN the picture!

Look again.

Relax.

Stare.

Cross your eyes.

Relax some more.

Look.

There it is!


A tick...mark!

Tick marks the spot.

Yes, I am a loonatick.

Tick that one off your list.

Are you ticked yet?

I am!


*updated: Don't you hate it when Blogger doesn't cooperate! The original picture was there and showing up when I looked at the preview mode. Sigh. Oh, and let me add a major GAH! So I had to quickly come up with another picture. Don't you hate it when you have to edit your post AFTER it has been published? Yeah, ticks me off too!

It All Depends

Little Quirky Son (LQS): Mom! I saved my money. (He shows me a wadded up five dollar bill.)

LQS: I'm gonna save til I have a hundred thousand dollars then I'm going to buy us lots of stuff.

Q: Really? That is so nice of you.

LQS: I'll buy you one hundred thousand cans of Diet Dr. Pepper.

Q: (laughing) Oh, you don't have to do that. But if you insist.

LQS: And Mom, I'm gonna buy us LOTS of stuff!

Q: That's great!

LQS: I love you Mom.

Q: I love you too Sweetie.

Aw.

This is the boy who's going to take care of me.

My older son? Ha! He's already told me when he becomes a rich and famous rock star (ha ha hee hee ho ho) that he will NOT be sharing with Dad and I.

Why?

Because we were too stingy with him.

Which translates to: we didn't buy him everything he wanted when he wanted it.

(Insert mental eye-roll here.)

Let's just wait and see what happens with the rock star "thingy." I'm not too worried about that happening. Not that I don't think he could do it, I believe he definitely has the talent, but so few people make it to the "big-time," even if they are really good. In the meantime, I see his passion as preparation to becoming a great radio DJ, a music teacher or maybe we have the next Ryan Seacrest?

(Quirky spews chunks.)

Scratch that thought.

The older boy does love to ham it up...quite a bit. Hmm,I wonder where he gets that from? And he really loves reading and learning about rock and roll history. Music is truly his passion, so I believe and hope he will do something fulfilling (both for his psyche and his wallet) with music.

Anyhoo, I still have LQS. He just told me the other day, he wants to stay with Dad and I forever!

This may be a good thing or a bad thing.

(Insert nervous eye-roll, because forty year old adult child won't leave home.)

Still, it's nice to know he wants to take care of me and keep me supplied with Diet Dr. Pepper.

Makes me feel all tingly inside.

I wonder how he feels about changing an adult diaper?

I guess it...

Depends!

(Insert moan and groan here.)

I'm Ticked!

No really.

I. Am. Ticked.

Not angry.

Just ticked.

We have been invaded by ticks! We had no clue that one of our three dogs had a tick and those suckers (pun intended) multiply like bunnies!

It's been a nightmare.

We have spent oodles of cash on this product and that product and still they come forth seeking our warm blood and moist skin.

Eeek!

I have found TWO on my right arm.

This is NOT good folks. Not good at all.

We keep our lawns trimmed year round, so we were pretty surprised at how this could have happened. But by golly, I'm ready to light a match to the whole dern house!

In fact, I burned a tick.

I'm ecstatic to say it was a slow and painful death.

My son found a bloated tick on our kitchen floor (insert disgusted and horrified look here). He picked it up with a paper towel and for some un-tickly reason decided to try and squeeze it dead on the stove top.

Huh?

Anyhoo, the tick went flying under the burner into the drip bowl. I was so grossed out and horrified that I decided to light her up instead of picking her up. I turned the burner on high and waited.

It didn't take long.

She slowly expanded into a nice charcoal brown, then black.

But boy howdy, she stank!

Like the mutha, erm, I mean tick she was.

*shudders*

I can't even begin to tell you how horrified I am that this has happened to us. I am not a "filthy" dirty type of woman.

True, I have had to slack off from the deep cleaning (darn long-term effects from meds and radiation therapy)!

But...my house is no demolition zone or war-zone of dried, molded, crusted over food stuffs. The only mold forming in my house is in my fridge, safely out of sight and mind.

At least I think that's what that greenish, bluish thing is.

*shudders*

So now, I am ticked. Ticked at the ticks invading our home and ticked at my "ailments" that prevent me from doing the normal amount of cleaning I usually do.

Do you feel sorry for me yet?

What about the dogs?

Aw, come on. I'm digging deep here.

I've even come up with my own tick classification method.

The littlest ticks that are not yet bloated are the "runners," because dang they run fast! And now many are drifting in the bowels of the sewer system, because I flush those suckers. They don't pop.

The slightly bigger ticks are already attached. (I can't stop shuddering.) I pull them off and to me they are like bubble-wrap. I put them in the paper towel, or toilet paper (whichever is closer) and then pop! A bubble-wrap tick.

This actually exhilarates me. I really need to get a life.

Then of course, we have the full-blown mother ticks. I can't even stand to pick one up even with a paper towel. But I do. I admit that a couple of times I squeezed them and almost vomited.

There was so much blood!

I'm obviously not a vampire, because it held absolutely NO appeal for me.

Now, I've started flushing those suckers too.

But now there is a far worse state of tickery going on in Casa De Quirky. Phantom ticks!

Yes, I wake up at all hours of the night thinking that I feel something crawling on me, only to find nothing is there.

Even during waking hours...wait...did I just feel something?

Whew. Thank goodness--no. No tick.

As you can see I'm ticked.

And not happy about it.

Not one tick, I mean bit!




Update: Due to our diligent treatments, we are seeing an improvement, but we are not done de-ticking yet. We will conquer the ticks.

And for your information and to my delight, numerous ticks were tortured and murdered in the production of this post.

This is a tick free blog-zone.

Are you scratching yet?

It's Magic Dana!

Dana at Life Is Good made a song parody request. Well it wasn't really a request. It was more like she barked an order: "I WANT A TUNE!"

Well Dana, I'm in a generous musical mode and Girlfriend? This one's for you. Oh, and please don't forget to hit the play button.

	Pilot - Magic
	Found at bee mp3 search engine

Whoa, ho, ho it's Dana, you know.
Snow bird to Flor'da she goes,
It's Dana and Joe.
Together they're warming their toes.

Never been a fla-ake, cards she does make.
Leaning on her scissors in the morning.
Scrapbooking in bed, letters in her head.
Cuttlebutting early in the morning light.

Whoa, ho, ho it's Dana, you know.
Internet friends she doth sow,
She reviews, and hopes,
To make her some internet dough.

She loves her sunny days, livin' the Flor'da way,
Blogging on her pillow in the morning.
Never been afra-aid, if she sees some flames
She's got firemen buddies, who will hose down fires.

Whoa, ho, ho it's Dana, you know.
Loves her dog Lucky, how so,
She knits and she sews,
Making him sweaters with bows.

*guitar solo*

Whoa, ho, ho it's Dana, you know.
Always drinks martini-oes,
Likes gambling and so,
Life is good in every post!

There ya go Dana-girl. From my magical, singing imagination to your bleeding eyes and ears.

And...I expect nothing in return.

Just your undying blog-love.

And blog-devotion.

Is that blogwrong?

*giggle*

Paris Should Be So Lucky

I got memed and awarded!

Who knew the two went hand in hand?

I certainly didn't.

Sweet Collette at My Babcias Babushka blog awarded me the Premier Meme Award.


Ta-da!

So before I can display the award, I must share with you seven personality traits and then pay it forward to seven others. (Insert collective groan and moan here.)

And of course, I don't do memes in the way that they are intended. I do them my way: A La Quirky.

Seven personality traits? Nah. Let's do seven reasons why Quirkyloon should be Paris Hilton's new BFF.

In case you didn't know, Paris has reality show. She's been whittling down guys and girls, until the last one standing will become her new BFF.

Pfft to all of the "potential" friends. They don't hold a friendship candle to Quirky.

Plus, I've been studying Paris for sometime now. And I can say with confidence that I feel like I really, really know her. And I see how much she needs someone like me to give her money to share friendship and life with.

There's just nothing more beautiful than a true, sincere, two-way friendship.(Don't worry Reffie, you'll always be my Blog BFF *smile*)

So what were my first clues into understanding the real Paris? Just read these Paris quotes and everything will make perfect sense.

1. The only rule is don't be boring.
   
   Well, Paris Sweetheart, Quirky may be many things, but boring...she ain't. I promise you that with me? You'll be laughing so hard all the time, that you'll have to start wearing Depends. Wait til you hear me sing my rock opera. It's exquisite. It will bring you many tears of... joy. Many, many tears.



2. I'm totally normal. I think it's obnoxious when people demand limos or bodyguards. I eat at McDonald's or Taco Bell. My parents always taught us to be humble. We're not spoiled.
   
   Paris, I am the epitome of humility. I'll gladly eat at McDonald's or Taco Bell. My only demand? Please don't make me drive the limo. Oh, and one other teensy weensy demand: we must ride stretch Hummer all the time. Okay?



3. I've only done it with, like, a couple of boyfriends. People think I sleep with everyone, but I'm not like that. I like kissing, but that's all I do. I'm not having sex for a year, I've decided. I'll kiss but nothing else.
   
   No sex for a year? Well "friend" if you insist on taking this vow of chastity, let me do the same along side you. We can experience a non-sex year together. It really, really delights pains me, but I would do it in the name of our friendship. Hubs will understand... completely.



4. Wal-mart... do they like make walls there?
   
   Oh Paris. You couldn't ask for a better Wal-Mart shopper than Quirky. I have so much to show and teach you about Wal-Mart. Just consider me your professor of: Wal-Mart Shopping 101. I have the entire store layout memorized. Yes, I will not only meet your shopping expectations, I will exceed them! Excess is my middle name!



5. I don't really think, I just walk.
   
   This is good. I will gladly do the thinking for you. Paris, think this: Walk to Quirky and give her a blank check. Say it over and over again in your mind. You cannot do it too many times. Trust me.



6. When Paris has to pee, Paris has to pee!
   
   Honey-chile. I hear ya! I promise as your BFF I will always have an extra pair or two of Depends on hand. I already keep one for myself. What's one more in my hand-bag? Anything for you, Paris.



7. That's hot.
   
   Oh, finally! Somebody who understands how miserable hot flashes are. I'm hot too Paris, so very, very hot.

Paris, you would be incredibly lucky to have me as your BFF.

Dah-ling this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship.

Bee-yoo-tee-ful.


*source http://www.allgreatquotes.com/paris_hilton_quotes4.shtml

B.S. Oh, my pretties, don't think I've forgotten to forward this award, because I have NOT.

Ahem.

AD The Water Cooler
Donna at Carnwaths Corner
Kablooey at K a b l o o e y
Cat Lady Larew at How To Become A Cat Lady
Julia at Sometimes Lucid
Hussy (I miss you!) at The Hussy Housewife
Cameron at Get The Stink Off

You lucky seven bloggers you!

Enjoy!

And remember...

A meme is a terrible thing to waste!

*giggle*

Come Here Baby...

Hey Baby, there's a Humor Bloggers baby picture contest going on at Ettarose's blog: Sanity on Edge. I've submitted my picture and if you could do me a solid, go check it out and see if you can guess which one is me!

Come on, baby. You know you want to. It'll be fun.

And no, I didn't have a mustache (yet). So don't go looking for that clue.

And in memory of my quirky baby days, I thought I would share with you my mother's lullaby to... me.

This is good one, baby. You're gonna like it.

Insert cheesy smile here.

Oh, and Baby, don't forget to hit play!

	Britney Spears - Baby One More Time
	Found at bee mp3 search engine

Oh Quirky baby,
Oh Quirky baby.

Oh Quirky baby, how was I supposed to know,
That something wasn't right here.
Oh Quirky baby, I shouldn't have let you fall,
And now you're out of your mind, yeah.
Loony's all you really show me,
Quirky baby cuz I need to know now, oh because,

Chorus
Your quirkiness is killin' me (and I).
I must confess I seek relief (seek relief).
When I'm not with you I give a sigh.
Humongous sigh, it relieves me all the time!

Oh Quirky baby, the reason I scream is you,
Now you've got me winded.
Oh Quirky baby, there's nothin' that I want to do.
That's not the way I planned it,
Crazy's all you really show me,
Quirky baby cuz I need to know now, oh because,

Chorus
Your quirkiness is killin' me (and I).
I must confess I seek relief (seek relief).
When I'm not with you I give a sigh.
Humongous sigh, it relieves me all the time!

Oh Quirky baby,
uh, uuuuuuuh.
Oh Quirky baby.
eh, eh, yeah...

Oh Quirky baby, how was I supposed to know.
Oh Quirky baby, I shouldn't have let you fall.
I must confess that your quirkiness,
Is annoyin' me now.
Don't you know I seek relief.
That you will be healed.
But I have to sigh,
Quirky baby one more time.

Chorus.
Your quirkiness is killin' me (and I).
I must confess I seek relief (seek relief).
When I'm not with you I give a sigh.
Humongous sigh, it relieves me all the time!

I must confess,
That your quirkiness,
Is annoyin' me now.
Don't you know I seek relief,
That you will be healed.
I can't help but sigh...

Quirky baby one more time!

Aw, what a sweet lullaby that only a Quirkyloon Baby could be worthy of!

Did you have fun checking out and taking a hit stab at guessing which one is Baby Quirky?

Not yet? Well what are you waiting for?

"Go and get your Mother and take her to the Humor Blogger's Baby Picture show!" At Ettarose's blog: Sanity on Edge.

Go on, baby.

You'll be happy you did.

Oh yeah, baby.

Paula Abdul Rap

Paula, this one's for you.


Straight Up

Yo, Pow-la,
I'm gonna give it to ya.
Like a Loony,
Who used to groove to ya.

Straight Up.

You started out,
As a singa,
You danced and sung,
Out some win-nas.

Straight Up.

Then you dis-peered.
Outta site outta ears.
Til one nite I heard you,
On American Idol sounding so fool!

Straight Up.

You rambled and rambled,
Even Simon could not you handle!
When every song you heard,
You twittered nonsense like a bird.

Straight Up.

"You touched me, You're the real deal."
Made me want to barf up my happy meal.
"You stay true to who you really are."
This sappy judgin' made you a star?

Straight Up.

Your eyes looked glazed and glassy.
Half the time we didn't understand yo sassy.
You slurred and yo plastic smile.
You scared me and that ain't no lie-a!

Straight Up.

Now I hear you ain't comin' back.
You got greedy and they gave you the sack!
But don't worry you'll find sum-in'.
Just chillax yourself and don't be sulkin'.

Straight Up.

And now you probably cryin'
And feel like without AI you be dyin'
Get it together and don't you hurl.
Cuz Pow-la? I'll be forevah yo girl!

Straight Up.

Bathroom FAIL!

Wheel Chair Girl

Hey Wheel Chair Girl!

I get that life must be extremely hard living in a wheelchair.

I get that it must grate on your soul once in a while, knowing you are in a minority of mostly mobile human beings.

I get that wheel chairs are not race cars and are not meant to move at fast speeds.

I get that your arms look really buff because of your constant pulling at the wheels to make you go.

I get that riding a wheelchair in 105 degree Fahrenheit temperature is not a pleasant excursion.

I get that I should be grateful and that the grass is always greener.

What I don't get?

Why are you always wheeling in the middle of the street?

Cars are having to slow down and go around you and hopefully not run into oncoming traffic from the opposite side.

What is up with that?

But since you insist on "doing it that way," could you help a Loon out? I've got some flyers I need to put on doors. Oh, and my lucky son is going to be selling magazine subscriptions for his school. Our sales would probably be a whole lot better with your presence.

*slap*

Ouch. Why did you hit me?

AND...it's not too far to the CircleK convenience store, would you pick up another bag of ice for me?

Thanks!

And I'll even give you a nice cold glass of lemonade!

Ahh, refreshing.

*slap*

Why do you keep on hitting me?

Did I do or say something wrong?

Please, go buzz off now.

Off with you!

NOW!

Sheesh it took her long enough to go.

What?

"They" always say treat the handicapped like you would any "normal" person.

Now excuse me. (Quirky grabs the ice-pick.)

I've got a wheelchair tire or two to pop!

Just keepin' it "normal" folks.

NOR-MAL.

Without Your Love

I'm nothing but a blogger.
Without Awards.
A Quirky without a bone!

(Inspired by Aerosmith, "Angel")

The Pavlovian bell has rung and I am panting with anticipation.

"Where's my award? Where's my award? I want award now. Gimme, gimme, gimme!"

(trumpet sounding)

Doo-doo-doo-doooooh-----woof, woof!

That sweetie-pie Reffie at Confessions of a Reforming Geek gave me an award! What makes this so special *pant, pant, pant* is she give it to me when I gave her a Quombie! *woof, woof* The Quombie wasn't even cold on her award shelf, and she's already giving me an award.

That Reffie! She's so easy to love. Come a little closer and let me give you a big old lick on the cheek! *pant, pant, pant* What? You don't want...me...to...lick...the...cheek? *whimper, whimper, whimper*

Anyhoo, according to the Refster...my blog is loverly!

Loverly!

My blog!

I feel like jumping for a Frisbee!



Ain't it purdy?

I think so. Thank you so much woo-Reffie! *Persistent stretching to lick Reffie's face, but Reffie manages to keep dodging it.*

And now...hold onto yer cats hats...cuz...I got another award!

Woof!

Cutie-pie MamaFace at Blog Ignoramus gave me this faithful follower award. It's easy to be faithful and loyal to the Mama...she gives good treats and always rubs my tummy ego in a good sort of way. *smile*

Makes me sound like a dog, eh?

MamaFace: "Oh Quirky?

Q: *pant, pant, pant, pant*

MamaFace: "Here's a blog-award bone for the Quirkyloonie. What a good girl. Sit. Si-it. That's a good little girl Quirkyloonie. Quirky wanna a blog-award bone?

Q: *pant, pant, pant, pant, woof, woof!*



MamaFace, it is my pleasure to comment on your blog! I'm just a lap-dog lap-top comment lover! *woof, woof, woooooof*

And now can somebody scratch my tummy back?

*pant, pant, pant, pant*

*sniff, sniff?*

What's that?

*sniff*

A cat?

*snarl, growl, snarl!*

Rutroh!

What Would Eminem Say?

Nothing that Quirky is willing to publish on her blog!

That is one angry dude.

Instead, I decided to interview the M&M characters.

(Whew. Huge sigh of relief.)

Q: Mr. Red this question is for you. I have read that you have a genius I.Q.?

Red: Yes, in my other life I am a licensed Psychiatrist. I like to get into people, see what makes them tick. I try to understand their inner desires, hungers, and appetites.

Q: That sounds challenging. It also says here that you are somewhat of a control freak?

Red: I admit it. I get so wound up trying to do the simplest of things. My family doesn't understand why it takes a checklist for me just go to the bathroom. But I do like for things to be in control. Chaos is way overrated (especially in the bathroom)!

Q: Ah, I see. I'd like to address Mr. Yellow now. It appears that you fancy yourself quite the ladies man?

Yellow: Oh yes, I adore the ladies. *eyebrows up and down* I'm also a lover of all things fluffy: fluffy dogs, fluffy pillows, marshmallow fluff. It's all heavenly.

Q: What do you wish people would understand about you?

Yellow: Quirky, I wish people would understand that I am an M&M that is in touch with my inner nut.

Q: Sounds...healthy.

Yellow: *smiles*

Q: Ms. Green, I love your white boots. I see that you esteem yourself as quite the world traveller. Where is your favorite place in the world that you have visited?

Ms. Green: Oh Quirky! I'm thrilled you asked. I went with an old flame and we had the most romantic candlelit dinner in Paris. To this day, that remains my favorite and passionate memory.

Q: Sounds wonderful. Tell us, do you have any pet peeves?

Ms. Green: I am so glad you brought this up. I know I am a beauty, being green and all, but I just can't stand it when people stare! I should be flattered. It is quite difficult trying to get through life as beautiful as I am. People just can't seem to get enough of me.

Q: Tragic, indeed. Let's turn our attention to Mr. Blue. What are some of the things you like to do for fun?

Mr. Blue: I love strolls on moonlit nights, relaxing to some jazz tunes, and what makes it all the better? When it's with one of my special ladies.

Q: *smiles* Sounds romantic. Who knew you were so mushy on the inside?

Mr. Blue: Ah, Quirky, let's not be hasty. I always keep my cool. My motto is: "Never let 'em see you melt."

Q: Great advice and interesting M.O. You pretend you're not interested, but then pleasantly surprise the ladies, eh?

Mr. Blue: And it is most pleasant, if I do say so myself.

Q: Thanks Mr. Blue. Mr. Orange can you come out now? I promise I'll be brief and this will be painless.

Mr. Orange: (peeks around the corner, takes a tentative step forward) Are you sure Quirky, who are all these other people in the room? They smell hungry!

Q: It's really okay Mr. Orange. It's just me and my posse and we've already eaten, so none of us are hungry. I promise you are safe with us.

Mr. Orange: O-o-okay.

Q: That's better. Mr. Orange tell us about...blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

Mr. Orange: (sweat is starting to pour down his round orange body) I, I, I...

Q: Yes?

Mr. Orange: I, I, I....(screams) CAN'T DO THIS! GET ME OUT OF HERE NOW!

Quirky watches in shock as Mr. Orange rolls away in fear.

Q: Oh my, Mr. Orange? Are you okay? (calling after him.)

Mr. Orange: (faint) Just leave me alone!

Well, this has been most interesting and I do appreciate your willingness to answer my questions. Please accept this token of my appreciation for your cooperation during this interview.

All M&Ms: *gasp* I can't believe...so cruel...how could she...has she no compassion...murderess!

Q: What? Oh. Oh no. I'm so sorry. It never occurred to me.

All M&Ms: (huff) We wish to never see you again Madam.

Quirky watches in horror as the M&M gang rolls away.

I blew it!

What do I do now?

Well might as well not let this go to waste.

(Quirky grabs a cookie and starts eating.)

Mmm, cookie.












*Quirky source: http://www.mms.com/us/about/characters/

What Would Richard Say?

Do you like pizza or spaghetti? Oh Quirky, way too many carbs. Pizza and spaghetti are so 2008. I only eat salads Girl Friend and so should you and everybody sitting out there in front of their computers reading your blog when they should be exercising.

Green or pink? Is there any doubt? Pink!

Rock or Pop? Hello? Neither one. It's Oldies for me.

Do you wear slippers? Of course I do, I wear my fuzzy cow slippers.

What do you wear to bed? My new pink spandex shorts and my pink tank top.

If you could be any animal what would it be? A faerie. What? They're not real? I can't believe all this time I thought they were real. Are you pulling my freshly-Naired, toned leg?

How many times have you ever been drunk? I'm always punch drunk with love.

Are you related to Gene Simmons of the band KISS? Heavens no! But I do think his wife Sharon is just peachy.

Who is your favorite celebrity? It's a toss-up between Mary-Kate Olsen and Tori Spelling.

If you were a piece of fruit in a fruit bowl, which piece of fruit would you be? A pineapple, so juicy sweet!

What is your astrological sign? I'm a cancer. But you don't want to radiate me out of your life!

Who is your favorite news personality? The dishy Anderson Cooper.

Do you still talk with David Letterman? David Letterman is so misunderstood, but I understand him completely. He's lucky I'm in his life!

Well thanks Richard for taking the time to answer a few questions for a humble and quirky blogger as myself.

No problem Quirky. I've heard you have issues and one certain very strange obsession with zombies. Never mind that, I am always here to help ANYONE. Enough with negativity! We need more positivity! And don't forget about my new My FoodMover Food Plan. It's available at my website richardimmons.com. And of course, I am so looking forward to being an important part of BoogHer 2010. Eminem and I are having so much fun practicing together. I can't get enough of it. He is a sweetie-pie! You wouldn't believe it.

Toodles Quirky!

Goodbye Richard.

(Quirky looks around to make sure Richard is gone.)

You know that horrible, sinking, feeling you get when you know you've made a bad, bad mistake?

That feeling?

Insert here.

I'm afraid.

Very afraid.

BoogHer 2010

Has anyone heard about the huge MommyBlog To-Do that took place in Chicago recently?

Oh, about 1500 MommyBloggers congregated to listen and learn how to be a better MommyBlogger at... BlogHer 2009.

I heard (meaning I read at several blogs) that the big deal at BlogHer 2009 were "swags."

What the heck is a swag?

Thank goodness you have me to research this VERY important information for you. Apparently, a swag is the adult version of a party bag. You know how your child gets a plastic bag with all sorts of birthday party memorabilia: candy, a kazoo, and those annoying hand shaped clappers. BlogHer had sponsors giving goodies away and there were some impressive goodies.

I'm sure many Mommy Bloggers were thrilled to go participate, receive, listen to and meet bloggers in real life.

But do they and you know about the premier blogging conference?

BoogHer*.

It will be bigger and better than BlogHer.

Hard to believe, I know.

You are so lucky that I am here to tell you all about BoogHer 2010!

Go BoogHers!

BoogHer 2010 will be held in Boring, Oregon at the Days Inn Hotel. There will be several important sponsors including:

Kleenex
Angel Soft Toilet Paper
Vicks Nasal Rub
Claritin
BlogHer
Richard Simmons
Eminem

The conference will include some very important classes to help increase the statistics of BoogHer bloggers.

Some of the classes include:

• How to Write a Three Hanky Blogpost
  
• How to Make and Keep More BoogHer Followers
  
• Making Money for BoogHer Bloggers
  
• How to raise your Google BoogHer Ranking

Plus introductions to Newest Social Networks will be available:

BoogHerFace (similar to Facebook)

My BoogHers (similar to MySpace)

Snotter (similar to Twitter)

There will also be tons of Door Prizes at this BoogHer Conference. The prizes include:

• Angel Soft  year supply of toilet paper
  
• Vicks Vapor Rub  year supply

And there will be celebrities and entertainment! Richard Simmons and Eminem will be performing a rap/dance routine.

It will be an unforgettable BoogHer time!

In addition, every BoogHer attendee will be given a free infant bulb syringe (those rubber thingies that suck out the boogers).

Free applications for Claritin test trials will also be available. (Claritin is experimenting with hybrid vaccines.)

BoogHer Bloggers Unite!

Sounds exciting, no?

Achoo!

Oh, excuse me.

I feel a cold coming on.

Boogers!



*Only serious bloggers need apply.