Please Allow Me To Introduce My Friend

His name is Marvin D. Wilson and he blogs at Free Spirit.

He calls himself an old hippie, an ex-rock and roller, and a spiritualist Christian. He not only writes novels, but he gets them published too! He has three published under his belt as of now. He had a tough fight with a narcotics addiction that he overcame. Not an easy road, but he did it. Yay Marvin! When I'm ready to conquer the Diet Dr. Pepper addiction, I know who to go to first for advice. I'm sure he'll take me under his wing. He's that kind of person. Very good-hearted and good-natured.

He is what I would call, a cool cat.

He is still a "hippie" in the sense that he's all about the love, baby, all about the love.

Anyhoo, recently he made a request at his blog. He is trying to get 100 followers. Right now he's in the high 70's, but he just wants to reach that milestone.

It's important to him.

So I, being the wonderful, generous, kind, freaky, lyrical, poetical, awesome, and of course loony Quirkyloon decided I was going to help out my blog-buddy.

For those of you who grace my blog and take the time to read it. I adore you.

But I know that bloggers cannot live by Quirky alone, so if you are looking for a good pick me up type blog, a spiritual, but not preachy, a funny and thought provoking blog. Go check him out! I know you will be pleased and if you are so inclined, do the "old silly" (his words, not mine) a solid and follow him!

I made a table so you could compare Marvin's blog to mine.

Blog Features	Marvin	Quirkyloon
Published Author	*
Interesting Videos	*
Optimism	*	*
Introspective	*	*
Spiritual Message	*
Humor	*	**
Zombie Love		***
Quirky		*******
Been Around the Block	*	?
Addictive	***	I hope?

Okay, so he's published author and more well-rounded blogger and I am not. But, I have him totally beat on quirky! And it looks like he could stand some, ahem, charitable tolerance towards our fellow zombies. Just sayin'.

"All we are saying is give zombies peace a chance!"
John Lennon


So go there.

Right now.

What are you waiting for?

Go!

I still see you!

Go now!

Oh, and have a groovy day, baby, groooo-veeey!

A Quirky Reading

Tarot Cards!

I've never really subscribed to the idea that tarot cards really...work. I might need to rethink this belief.

Recently, I got a Quirky Tarot Card reading. It was interesting, spooky, intriguing, and frightening.

I will show you my cards.


The Butterfly

This is a card that looks to the future. It does not predict any immediate or powerful change, but it does predict Quirky flying. It indicates that unexpected help will be coming, with song notes to quench Quirky's singing thirst, and with a guiding light that will enable her to fly and warble through the air...literally. Quirky will burst forth each and every morning with song and flight in her wings. "I believe I can fly." (song by R. Kelly)





The Little Man

Taurus the Earthly bull may seem an odd sign for The Little Man, but it makes sense if you understand that the The Little Man's purpose is to bring the spiritual down to Earth. The Little Man deals with worldly problems. He is well suited to do this because he strives to create humor and farts in the midst of a crisis. The Little Man's only problem is that, like the Bull, he can be stubborn and constipated. At his best, he is wise and smelly, at his worst, he is an unbending arse waiting to be wiped.



The Lollipop

Represented by Virgo, The Lollipop is a card of introspection, analysis and, well, licking. This is not a time for socializing; the card indicates, instead, a desire for peace and solitude. It is a time to lick, lick, and lick. There may be feelings of frustration and discontent during this time of licking. But such times lead to enlickenment, illumination, clarity. And perhaps the answer will be found to the conundrum: How many licks does it take to get to the Tootsie Roll center of a Tootsie Pop?



The Sun

With Jupiter as its ruling planet, The Sun is all about big things, luck, change, and hot flashes. Almost every definition of this card indicates humor, laughter, quirkiness, or silliness; a change that just happens, and brings with it great hot flashes. This card can also mean urination leaks, but its primary meaning always seems to say that such changes will come to Quirky out of the blue, a hot flash of good, unexpected fortune.



The Snail

It is hard, at first, to see where Sagittarius, the ruling sign of this card, fits in. Sagittarius is an expansive sign and The Snail is, on it's slimy surface level, about "tempering." So this is a card about moderation. There is, however, another angle to the card, that of merging seemingly impossible opposites such as: cheesecake and Diet Dr. Pepper; cheese fries and Diet Dr. Pepper, cheeseburgers and Diet Dr. Pepper; and last but not least, cheese mites and Diet Dr. Pepper. Opposites that deliciously attract.




The Boat

Like its ruling sign Leo, this is a card of courage and energy. It represents both The Boat's hot, roaring energy, and the Hull's steadfast will. The innocent Hull is unafraid, undaunted, and indomitable. In some cards she turns on The Boats' engine, in others she shuts it off. Either way, she proves that blogger.blogspot.com strength is more powerful than MyLittleInsignificantBlog.com. This card assures Quirky that she can control not only the blog, but herself. It is a card about anger and impulse management, about creative posts, leadership and maintaining one's personal humor code. It can also stand for a steadfast Twitter Tweep.



The Cat

With The Cat as its ruling element (or Pluto as its ruling planet), The Cat is about rebirth and the resurrection of hairballs. The idea of The Cat is that once the hairballs are spit up, their sins are forgiven, and they move onto heaven. The Cat Card asks for the resurrection to summon the past hairballs, forgive them, and let them go. There are mounds from the past that we never let fly away, hairball sins we've committed that we refuse to forgive, bad hairball habits we haven't the courage to lose. The Cat card advises us to finally face these, recognize that the past is past, and put them to rest, absolutely and irrevocably. This is also a card of healing, quite literally from an accident or illness, as well as a card signaling great finicky tastes, Renuzit room deodorizers, and catnip.

As you can see, I have been so enlightened.

Who knew the tarot cards could actually hold real steadfast truths?

They made a believer out of me.

I believe!

Son Rise Son Set

Please click and sing along with me.

	- - -
	Found at bee mp3 search engine

Is this the little boy I carried?
Is this the boy who cried all day?
I don't remember so much whining.
Day after day.

When did he get to be so handsome?
When did he grow to be a slob?
Wasn't it yesterday, his room,
Looked suave?

Son rise, son set,
Son rise, son set,
Swiftly flow the days.
Little boys turn overnight to tweenies.
Blossoming mood swings and much rage.

Son rise, son set,
Son rise, son set,
Swiftly fly the years.
Seasons of boyhood after another,
Laden with tes'tronic pain... and tears.

What words of wisdom can I give him?
How can I help to ease his way?
Now he must learn from his sweet mother,
He says, "No way!"

He tries to get away with murder,
Just like a tweenie often does.
Is there a Dr. Pepper, in store for me?

Son rise, son set,
Son rise, son set,
Swiftly fly the years.
One stage of boyhood after another.
Laden with ear plugs in... my ears.

This is the Purse that Quirky Kept

This is the purse that Quirky kept!
This is the change
That lay in the purse that Quirky kept.
This is the flashlight
That shone on the change
That lay in the purse that Quirky kept.

These are the house keys
That clicked the flashlight on
That shone on the change
That lay in the purse that Quirky kept.

This is the lipstick that became uncapped
And smeared itself all over the house keys
That clicked the flashlight on
That shone on the change
That lay in the purse that Quirky kept.

This is the ink pen that got pushed around
And poked the uncapped lipstick
That smeared itself all over the house keys
That clicked the flashlight on
That shone on the change
That lay in the purse that Quirky kept.

This is the powder compact that opened up
And sprinkled powder all over the ink pen
That poked the uncapped lipstick
That smeared itself all over the house keys
That clicked the flashlight on
That shone on the change
That lay in the purse that Quirky kept.

This is the paper clip
That opened the powder compact
That sprinkled powder all over the ink pen
That poked the uncapped lipstick
That smeared itself all over the house keys
That clicked the flashlight on
That shone on the change
That lay in the purse that Quirky kept.

This is the cell phone that started to ring
That pushed the paper clip up against the powder compact
And opened the powder compact
That sprinkled powder all over the ink pen
That poked the uncapped lipstick
That smeared itself all over the house keys
That clicked the flashlight on
That shone on the change
That lay in the purse that Quirky kept.

This is the hand that dug into the purse
To answer the cell phone that started to ring
That pushed the paper clip up against the powder compact
And opened the powder compact
That sprinkled powder all over the ink pen
That poked the uncapped lipstick
That smeared itself all over the house keys
That clicked the flashlight on
That shone on the change
That lay in the purse that Quirky kept.

And now Quirky says,
Oh, what a mess!
My cell-phone battery is now dead
But I found some coins clinking around
Now to find a public phone,
She now has the coins to phone home.
Hello, hello?
It figures.
Nobody's home.

*sigh*

Sunday Shakespearean Insult

"Your virginity breeds mites, much like a cheese."
All's Well That Ends Well

Ahem.

Well.

That, Sir Will, is truly a disgusting insult, if I do say so myself.

But wait. Cheese breeds mites?

Cheese mites are invisible to the naked eye, but when clustered together look like very fine brownish dust. If you brush the "dust" off the rind of a wheel of cheese and a few hours later the "dust" has moved its location, you know the cheese has been infested by mites. The same type of mites are also attracted to flour and grains.

Mites tend to be present on the outside of hard cheeses, such as Cheddar. Usually, the mites can be brushed off the rind of the cheese without affecting the flavor of the cheese inside. Some people even think that mites give cheese more flavor - although this is not a commonly held belief.

What?

Cheese? Glorious cheese? How can my glorious cheesy cheese go rogue? Cheese and mites do not belong together. Ever. And...and...AND...does that mean that my all time favorite desert, cheesecake...is a potential whorehouse for mites?

No, no, no, no, NOOOOOOO! And here I always thought it was a graham cracker crust. Not once did I ever suspect that a graham cracker crust was really made of microscopic mites!




Sir Will?

I loathe thee.

Truly, I do.



B.S. No cheese mites were harmed in the production of this post. Only cheesecake dreams were completely and irreparably shattered. *sob*

Shamwow Vince Vs. Quirkyloon

So I heard a little something about a guy named Vince in the news recently?

I'm trying to recall...something about...shamwows...biting...mugshots...and hookers?

Wait just a minute. The prefrontal cortex has not warmed up yet. Synaptical activity is quite slow.

(takes a sip of Diet Dr. Pepper)

Almost there.

(takes another sip of Diet Dr. Pepper)

Still almost there.

I feel the gears starting to speed up.

(takes a long, long, long drink of Diet Dr. Pepper)

(belches loudly)

Okay. Now I am no longer running on empty.


Top Ten Shamwow Vince Vs. Quirkyloon Factoids

1. Shamwow Vince's real name: Vincent Offer Shlomi.
   Quirkyloon's real name: Quirky Loon.
   
   
2. Shamwow Vince born on April 25, 1964.
   Quirkyloon born on September 11, 1963. (Hey, I've never kept my age secret. Why start now?)
   
   
3. Shamwow Vince Google search results in 2,150,000 hits!
   Quirkyloon Google search results in 6,220 hits (with question: did you mean quirkyalone?).
   
   
4. Shamwow Vince has a MySpace fan site.
   Quirkyloon has no MySpace fan sites (or any other fan sites).
   
   
5. Shamwow Vince interests include: Shamwow and SlapChop.
   Quirkyloon interests include: Zombies.
   
   
6. Shamwow Vince is a former member of The Church of Scientology.
   Quirkyloon is a member of the NZA (National Zombie Association) sister associate of the NRA.
   
   
7. Shamwow Vince made a movie, "Underground Comedy Movie" in 1999. The film drew nearly universally scathing reviews from critics. Yet he managed to sell 50,000 copies.
   Quirkyloon has never made a movie, but she did create a blog that has received scathing reviews in the blogosphere. Yet she has managed to gain 64 lovely, wonderful, beautiful, magnificent, intelligent, humorous, wise, terrific, awesome, amazing followers. *smile*
   
   
8. Shamwow Vince hires hookers.
   Quirkyloon's husband gives her free sexual favors.
   
   
9. Shamwow Vince allegedly made $250,000 or higher in 2008.
   Quirkyloon has definitely made zero dollars from 1998 thru 2008.
   
   
10. Shamwow Vince claims he has sold "millions" of towels at $19.95 a pop.
    Quirkyloon purchased one Shamwow towel at Wal-Mart for $6.97. Ha!
    
    

Why don't I feel any better after reading this list?

Oh yeah, Happy Birthday Shamwow Vince.

Now, please hit me with another Diet Dr. Pepper.

Make it a double.

*fizzle*


----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

My Dearest Peeps,

If you want to read some other funny blog posts about Shamwow Vince? Go to humorbloggers.com. They are having a Shamwow Carnie today. And with those funny, twisted humor blogger minds? It is sure to be a comical treat. And if I'm wrong and it's a dud? Just forget I mentioned it.

*whistles*

*smile*



Shlomi Source

Quirky Dearest-Infidelity

Quirky Dearest,

Recently at work I was working on my computer and I happened to hear the secretary talking on the phone with the CEO of our company. She was making plans for the two of them to meet for a secret rendezvous over the weekend. Our CEO is a happily married man! She told him that she had bought a special negligee just for him and that their suite would have its own hot tub. She giggled and promised him that he was in for a weekend of wicked pleasure and that it would be the time of his life.

Now I happen to know the wife of our CEO. She is such a nice lady. Very pretty and sweet. Needless to say this has upset me. His wife deserves better than this! My CEO is a scoundrel who doesn't know just how good his life is. He is taking his wife for granted. And what about STDs? I would feel awful if I heard she got herpes because her husband was fooling around.

So all of this has been swimming around in my brain lately. It makes me sick to my stomach everytime I think about what is really going on. I haven't been able to look at the secretary in the eye. I decided to make a plan of action. I am going to follow them this weekend and take pictures and then send them on to his dear, sweet, wife who clearly deserves to know what is going on. I walked over to the copy machine which is very close to the secretary's desk. I was poised and ready to hear more information that would help me in my upcoming private investigation duty.

Then I looked down and I noticed the low toner icon was blinking on the copier dashboard. So my question Quirky Dearest is this: do you think I should change the toner or should I ask the secretary to do it?

Sincerely,

Tonerless

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Dear Tonerless,

Ask the secretary to do it.

I have grown tired of this problem. (yawn)

Quirky Dearest Out


B.S.
Send the silly, dumb, foolish questions to me at quirkydearest@gmail.com. (yawn)

Superstar Zombie!

Looky, looky! I have died and gone to zombie heaven!

*sigh of content*

"The blogger who receives this award believes in the Tao of the zombie chicken - excellence, grace and persistence in all situations, even in the midst of a zombie apocalypse. These amazing bloggers regularly produce content so remarkable that their readers would brave a raving pack of zombie chickens just to be able to read their inspiring words. As a recipient of this world-renowned award, you now have the task of passing it on to at least 5 other worthy bloggers. Do not risk the wrath of the zombie chickens by choosing unwisely or not choosing at all…”

Of course, I am sooooo deserving of this award. Anyblogger who is anyblogger knows that I am a zombie fanatic.

What?

You heard what?

(rolls eyes)

Picky, picky, picky!

Okay, so I guilted Jenn Thorson at Of Cabbages and Kings to give me this award. I admit it. I was drooling with envy. Thanks Girlfriend, heh heh? She was very kind to give it to me regardless of my conniving ways.

Do I dare forward this award to anyblogger? There are so many many meme and award haters out there, and yet so little time before the Zombie Apocalypse. I think I will break the rules just a zee, I mean wee bit.

How can I NOT give this blessed zombie award to Keely at The UnMom? It's yours for the taking Keely. She was the one who re-instilled in me my almost forgotten fear of the impending Zombie Apocalypse.

I did not initially learn about the Zombie Apocalypse from Keely, but you and I all owe her huge thank-you. She brought it back to the front burner of blog-society. A distasteful, but necessary task. I thank the Blogging Powers That Be (in other words Google) the day I found and read her zombie posts. She is such a cool blogger and I wanted to tell you...

Excuse me?

Who are you?

Zelda?

Do I know you?

Are you having trouble walking today? Can I help you?

What is this? You have a poem? For me?

Well, how utterly sweet. I don't know what to say. No, please go ahead and read it for me. I'm dying to hear it! I feel so honored!

(Zelda begins in a raspy, slurring voice.)

Ode to Quirky (by Zelda the Zombie)

Why do you shriek so, Quirky dear,
Do you not know I can smell your fear.
My arm jerks forward to grab at your face.
My head rests on my right shoulder to look and to evaluate.
Oh, you shall be delicious my dear.
I'm quivering in anticipation of a tasty feast so near.

Your chin hair, will be a nubby nougat delight,
I'll gouge your chocolate eyeballs and sprinkle them with sweet spice.
Your nose to me will be a cartilagey scrumptious treat,
A nose-eclair filled with slimy boogers that will squish all through my teeth.
But best of all I will save the greatest delight,
Your noodle filled brain mass, which will taste so sweet and light.

Your pain will be slow and torturous, you shall feel every blow.
Every bite to your flesh will be the seeds of pain I sow.
A bite to your fleshy neck will cause your blood to squirt,
I'll lick it up and lap it up before it hits the dirt.

So do not shriek, my Quirkyloon,
But now I confess, I must have a nibble or two.
The time is now, for an ear or cheek,
As I now begin my luscious Quirky feast.


Gulp.

Um Zelda. Gotta go Girlfriend. I just remembered I have something...I have...to do...yeah...that...oh no, no need to see me to the door. I know my way out.

(Quirkyloon skedaddles on out of there.)

Well, on that er, pleasant note, have a wonderful, happy day everybody! And you might want to steer clear of anybody named Zelda.

Just zayin'.

*smile*

Goatee to the Rescue!

Aaaaaaahh!

The umbrella pole was racing towards me, ready to drop fifty pounds of steel and coarse fabric onto my head.

My eyes widened in fear of my impending doom.

An untimely Quirkyloon demise.

In that nano-second of energy between motion and end-goal, several thoughts assaulted my mind at once.

I thought about my husband and my two boys and all they mean to me.
I thought of all the smiles and laughter we shared.
I thought of my Mom (who passed on many moons ago) and the joy I would feel of being reunited with her!
Then I remembered the towels that were still in the dryer.
I remembered my kitchen floor was in dire need of a sweeping and a mopping.
I remembered that my bill organizational system was and is so complicated that it often stumps even me!

As the death pole continued rushing at me, I felt the blood pounding in my head. And then one question crowded out all the the other thoughts in my mind.

What if the Hokey Pokey is all it really is about?

*thunderous clap*

Metal and flesh slammed together. Strong hands gripped the metal umbrella pole bringing it to a sudden halt.

Whew!

Thanks to the fast thinking and action of one young, goateed man, my life had been spared!

I will from this day forth look upon goateed men with kindness in my heart.

I will from this day forth not be able to look upon a patio table umbrella without fear and dread and loathing.

I almost died.

Almost.

Thank goodness for goateed men!

*baaaaa baaaaa*

Did you hear something?

We Had Joy

We had fun
We had seasons
In the sun
But the hills
That we climbed
Were just seasons
Out of time.

A ten-year-old Quirkyloon is skipping (I skip kid you not. I did skip at some time in my life many, many moons ago.) across huge boulders. The Atlantic Ocean gently laps up against the huge rocks.

Quirkyloon is clad in a thick sweater jacket, jeans, and tennis shoes (nowadays it is minus the sweater, but the rest is pretty much the same). She carries a transistor radio (remember those?) in her right hand. She is holding it up close to her ear. She is singing along to a song as she continues looking for the perfect spot.

Goodbye, Papa, please pray for me,
I was the black sheep of the family.

Looking ahead she finds it. The boulder is smooth and flat. She sits down. Her long, light brown hair (I swear it was light brown back in those days. Not the midnight black it is now!) flutters gently around her face as she looks out on the ocean. Then she takes off her sweater jacket and bunches it into a pillow. As she lays down she fits it behind her head.

Ah.

The sun is shining down on her while the cool Atlantic breeze gently dances on her prostrate (psst...this word means laying down or is it lying down? Gah!) form.

She feels happy and content (and no illicit drugs were involved).

You tried to teach me right from wrong.
Too much wine and too much song, wonder how I got along.

It is summertime in Iceland (yes, I was a Navy Brat).

Terry Jacks continues to croon his solemn melody. And Quirky continues to sing (some things you never outgrow *smile*) along, out loud (of course).

She looks around, she is still alone.

With gusto and emotion she belts it out (*snicker*).

Good bye Papa, it's hard to die
when all the birds are singing in the sky,
Now that the spring is in the air.


Then she hears the snicker.

She bolts up and looks around and there beyond a ragged wall of boulders stands a young boy. (Who is that boy? Whoa. He's kind of cute.)

Quirkyloon blushes and shuts up.

She readies herself to make a mad dash for home, but the boy starts walking away. (Wait! Don't go!) She stops. She can still hear him giggling. He looks back at her a few times. Quirkyloon can see him smiling. She watches him for a few minutes until he reaches the street and turns the corner and disappears. (Darn! Now I'll have to come back every afternoon too see if he appears again. I hope so. I really hope so. *sigh*)

She is alone again (*sigh*).

She leans back into the boulder and starts humming. The humming turns into singing.

Little children everywhere
When you see them I'll be there.

This song makes her tingle inside. Whoa. So deep and powerful, especially to the immature, silly mind of a ten-year-old Quirky. (I wonder who that boy was? I hope he comes back soon. I wonder if he thinks I'm pretty. Maybe I'll see him at school! That would be so totally groovy.).

Another root of the growing, vibrant, complex, and incomprehensible mind of a Quirkyloon has blossomed. (Yep, it's tween time in full estrogenic force.)

She wipes a tear away and brightens up on hearing the next song starting to play.

"Time of the Season" by The Zombies. (Zombies again? Double gah!)

Coinkadink?

(eyebrows raise questioningly)

I think not.

(I do wonder when I'll see that boy again!)

(*love-struck sigh*)

	Terry Jacks - Seasons In The Sun
	Found at bee mp3 search engine

Not Me Monday

I know I have seen this meme at some blogs and I like it. I believe Stacy at Stacy's Random Thoughts and Jenni Jiggity do it. I'm too lazy to go look it all up.

Lazy? Not me!

Anyhoo, we all know meme's are for free.

So here is my Quirky Not Me Monday Meme.


I did not rock out to Christian metal band, Thousand Foot Krutch on Friday night with my eleven-year-old son. (And they rawked it hard, people!)

I did not eat "fair" nachos and then get sick to my stomach later that night. (My stomach is soooo sensitive these days. But I guess it doesn't help when they probably spit in my cheese sauce before giving it to me.)

I did not see Elvis leaving the building. And I was not the only one to notice him. Many heads turned.(He's lost weight and looks much better folks. And I know you're wondering, he still has the sideburns, people.)

I did not enjoy watching fools go on daredevil rides to lose their cookies and their flip-flops. (Hey, if the flip-flops had been the right size and color? I could've gotten a new pair for me! But I definitely passed on the "lost cookies.")

I did not spend four dollars on a SMALL diet coke. (Desperate times call for desperate measures....no Diet Dr. Pepper to be found on fair grounds. The bottled water was even more expensive. Gah!)

I did not prefer to sit and people watch while my husband took the boys to see the animals. (They smell...badly, the animals that is, not my husband and boys. Well, most of the time.)

I did not wonder why all the Roller Derby chicks looked...gay. (I hate it when that happens...when a stereotype seems to be true. Yes, I want to live in a perfect world, blah, blah, blah!)

I did not wonder why there were so many people there, including us, when the economy is so bad right now. (We had to take out a second mortgage in order to be able to attend and pay for our fun...well almost!)

I did not believe my husband when he first mentioned that he wanted to take the boys to the county fair. (And miss Ghost Whisperer? Gasp!)

I did not believe that I actually went along with it. (I much prefer being a homebody! Can't we just watch a Lifetime Movie? I think "Mother May I Sleep With Danger" starring Tori Spelling was on that night. Dang!)

I do not believe we will EVER go again. (I can only hope...and pray.)

Yes, these are the things that I absolutely did NOT do.

Did you?

Sunday Shakespearean Insult

[Thou hath] not so much brain as ear wax.

Taken from: Troilus and Cressida
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Oh, Will, oh Will.

Me thinks ye have some anger issues, Sir Dude.

In case ye had forgotten, cerumen (the fancy schmancy name for ear wax) is a normal by-product of a healthy ear.

It is known that ear wax protects the ear drum not only from foreign objects, but it also protects the brain from alien signals from the mother ship as well.

All human brains have a requisite amount of ear wax. It is for their protection and benefit. Human brains are blessed with this most fantastic substance; the wonderful, the smelly, and yes, sometimes disgusting, ear wax.

I took the trouble to find out just how much wax a normal human brain contains. The results were frightening. You "normalies" out there need to find more ways to protect yourselves and your precious brains.



Now take a look at my brain.




As you can see, my brain is well-protected. Not all humans can be as lucky as me. I am blessed with so much more ear wax than the average person.

This is a good thing, no?

Hold the phone.

What is this?

Oh my gawsh.

Criminy!

Take a look at this.



Zombies and Quirkyloon have the same amount of ear wax?

Well that explains a few things, no?

Minnie Tears

Beautiful brown eyes,
That no longer see.
Breathing labored,
Heavily.

Cancer cells,
Raging within,
Dividing, conquering,
Organs.

One by one,
They start to fail.
Ravenous cells,
Attacking.

It did not stop,
Until they reached.
A heavy heart,
No more beats.

Her eyes now closed.
Her body calm.
Face etched with peace.
The pain is gone.

A beautiful soul
Left behind,
Sweet memories.
A quiet dignity,
An uncomplaining heart.

The battle was fought,
No victor was crowned.
Both lost,
Yet only one,
Lives on.
In peace,
In hope,
And love.



Rest in Peace Minnie.

Quirky Dearest Interview

Quirky Dearest has agreed to an interview. You lucky peeps you. I didn't think she would ever agree, but as you already know: we've got the questions and she has the answers.

Without further ado, I give you the one and only Exclusive Quirky Dearest Interview done by Dorkyloon.

D: I'd like to introduce my guest today. In addition to being a wife and mother and generally strange person, she has a found a new hobby: blogging. With the great success of Dooce, bloggers everywhere are trying to step up their blogging game. She's with us today to talk about the influences that has kept her motivated to blog.

D: Hello Quirky Dearest.

Q: (dead silence)

D: (A little confused, clears throat.) Well Quirky Dearest, how long have you been blogging?

Q: I don't know.

D: You don't know? (nervous giggle) How did you get your start as a blogger?

Q: I don't know what you're talking about.

D: When did you know that you wanted to be a blogger?

Q: I'm not sure what that means.

(awkward silence)

D: What kind of blogs have influenced your blog writing style?

Q: I subscribed to this paper doll magazine. They had a contest and you could create your own paper dolls or use the traditional ones included in the magazine. I didn't win anything, but I gave it a shot.

D: (nervous giggle) And did this paper doll magazine influence your philosophy regarding blogging?

Q: (silence)

D: (nervous giggle) Quirky Dearest?

Q: It was a contest.

D: Yes, I understand but we're trying to get an idea of what shaped your blogging philosophy.

Q: (dead pan stare)

D: Quirky Dearest?

Q: Would you say that to Dooce?

D: Yes, I would.

Q: You would? And would you tell Dooce that her blogging is "just" a hobby?

D: Oh, are you offended that I referred to your blogging as a hobby? Is that what is going on here?

Q: You were instructed not to mention that crap blogger.

D: (nervous giggle) Let me get this straight. You think by my referring to your blogging as a hobby that I have somehow insulted you? And I was not supposed to mention Dooce?

Q: Yes.

D: Oh no Quirky Dearest, I am just trying to get some context here.

Q: Well you were instructed.

D: I meant no disrespect Quirky Dearest. Can we start over?

Q: Sure.

D: So is Dooce one of your influences?

Q: Never read her blog.

D: You've never read Dooce's blog?

Q: Nope.

D: So were there any other blogs that sparked your interest to begin blogging?

Q: (silence)

D: Well, I see you are involved in some compilation blogs, Moms Without Blogs, Celebsux, and Twisted Sisters? What made you decide to join them?

Q: They invited me.

D: Okay, okay. I see. (clears throat nervously) Well we would like to make sure you all have her blogging address. It's Quirkyloon.com. She's funny and strange, snarky and quirky. Go read her today. (to Quirkyloon) Quirky Dearest would you like to tell us what your latest blog post is about today?

Q: I'm a blogger. I don't cart around my PC at 6 am in the morning. You know I have grown tired of this interview (yawn).

D: My thanks again to Quirky Dearest for joing us today....uh Quirky Dearest are you leaving? Oh, looks like she has already left. Don't forget to check out Quirky Dearest at her home blog: www.quirkyloon.com and at the other blogs where she contributes occasionally.

This is Dorkyloon from KBLOG: your cyber station to all things blogging. I want to wish a good blogging day to all the bloggers out there in the blogosphere. And remember: bloggers do it write.

And cut.

(Dorkyloon thinks the microphone is off.) "Did you hear what just happened? Of all the nerve...that Quirky Dearest...was she on drugs? I mean really, what exactly was her problem?")

Quirky Dearest is home feeling quite satisfied. She opens up a cold can of Diet Dr. Pepper. Takes a sip. Turns on the television.

"Oh look an interview is just starting with Billy Bob Thornton. Oh, I didn't know he had a band."

"I'm watching this one. Should be good one."

"Real good."



*smile*

Quirkyloon MWOB Edition

Click play.

Go ahead.

Don't be afraid.

You know you want to push play.

So do it already!

bwahahahahaha

	KC & The Sunshine Band - I'm Your Boogie Man
	Found at bee mp3 search engine

I'm your Quirkyloon
That's what I am.

I'm here to blog.
Whatever I can.

Be it early morning,
Late afternoon.

Or at midnight.
It's never too soon.

To want to please you, to blog for you;
I want to blog it all, blog for you.
I want to be your, be your quirky blog.
I want to be the blog.
You love most of all.

Oh yeah!!

I'm your quirkyloon, I'm your quirkyloon.
Please read my blog.
I'm your quirkyloon, I'm your quirkyloon.
Today, I'm at MWOB.

I'm your quirkyloon, I'm your quirkyloon.
Please read my blog.
I'm your quirkyloon, I'm your quirkyloon.
Today, I'm at MWOB.

I Know Why The Caged Quirky Screams!

Quirky got pooped on by a bird inside the Super Wal-Mart store!

No lie!

She heard him first before she saw him.

*chirp chirp chirp*

She was just minding her own business in the nose hair clipper aisle. Wondering which tool works best. No special reason why. She's just always wondered about nose hair clippers.

Doesn't everybody?

Then further along as she was examining some gold fish in their tank, she heard the chirping get louder.

Quirky looked up to see a bird flying high close to the rafters.

A bird?

Inside the Wal-Mart store?

Oh, there he is flying...flying...why that little sucker is coming my way!

Think again Chirpy. You are not going to get a goldfish for dinner. At least not while I'm here bonding with them. Oh, that's not right. I'm just holding a bottle of Gold Bond Powder.

Goldfish...Gold Bond Powder. Easy mistake. I know.

*fluttering noise*

Oh, there goes my new little buddy. He's off to the toy section.

Let's hope he doesn't land in the stuffed toys bin. Some little child might mistake him for toy.

Ignoring the bird, Quirky went off to the food section. There's Chirpy again. Boy, he is an active little booger. Everyone stops and looks up at the ceiling to see him flying around like a maniac.

Oh, looky there. He landed on a rafter. He's doing a little hippity hop dance up there. I think he's casing the joint. Looking for an out. I don't blame him.

Then it happened.

Crap.

What was that? I felt something lightly hit me. I twisted my head to the left and saw a streak of white goo dripping off my shoulder.

I let out a shriek.

Which made everybody look, of course.

I left my cart right there and ran twenty miles to the restroom. (These Super Wal-Mart stores are huge!)

I blotted and cleaned and blotted some more.

I wiped up what little dignity I head and left that store.

I held my head high as I walked out. Suddenly, I stopped.

*chirp chirp chirp*

There he goes!

I had led him to his freedom.

Figures.

As I walked out I saw a car driving by and I just happened to notice this bumper sticker on its' rear bumper.
And sometimes it is the source for real crap.

Just sayin'.

Did I Forget Something?

What is it that I'm looking for again?

Where is it?

I can't find it anywhere.

Oh, this is where my hair-clip has been.

Who would have ever thought of looking under the computer desk.

There it is! The thought...

It's hovering....

Criminy!

Now, it is gone.

Completely.

I feel so lost.

Was it the dog food?

Yes, that's it!

Oh no, look here. A whole 40 pound bag.

Hmm.

There is something off.

I can't put my finger on it.

Has anybody seen...

*giggles*

What was it again?

Wasn't I looking for something?

Was I?

Hmm.

Oh, look! Here is that book I was looking for a year ago.

(blows on it)

Wow. Kind of dusty.

But that's still not it.

I don't think.

Wait.

It's coming.

Dang, I still don't remember.

*ring ring*

Hello?

Yes, this is Quirky.

What?

Oh my gawsh!

I'm so sorry!

I'll be right there.

Gotta go, folks.

I forgot something very important!

To pick up my kid from school!

Gulp.

That's what I lost!

In addition to...my mind!

Gah!

Dark Shadows

(Eerie music starts.)

A few minutes later, a six-year-old girl gets up off the sofa where she had been sitting with her Mother. She proceeds to the staircase and quietly ascends upstairs.

She approaches her mother's bedroom door. She stops and listens. Her mother is still downstairs. The little girl walks in and quietly closes the door behind her. She begins rummaging around in her Mother's "junk" drawer.

*clatter, clatter*

She picks up a nail file.

No, that's not it.

*clunk, clunk*

She stops and listens again. No footsteps creaking on the steps. She proceeds.

Ah, discovery!

She grips the red marker and gently depresses it onto the soft flesh of her neck. One dot, two dots.

The little girl quietly leaves the room and returns downstairs to sit with her mother. The television announcer is saying: "Next week on Dark Shadows...."

(Eerie music stops.)

The girls' mother turns to look at her, opens her mouth to say something, but stops in the middle of a word.

"Well, mi...."

She bursts out laughing.

The little girl blushes.

"What did you do, mijita?"

The little girl tries to act nonchalant, but starts to snort out laughter. Then she quickly covers her neck, covering the "evidence."

Her mother continues laughing.

There on the little girls' neck are two red dots representing....

A vampire bite!

They both laugh together now.

(The laughter dies down.)

"Mom when does Dark Shadows come back on? Do you like Barnabas Collins? Is he a good vampire? Why does he miss Josette so much? How come the witch Angelique is so awful to him?"

Mother and daughter have a good talk about Dark Shadows and vampire love stories. The mother especially emphasizes the difference between real and pretend. The little girl was a very mature for a six-year-old.

The daughter is happy now. She and her Mother will be watching Dark Shadows together next week, and next week, and the week after that etc., etc., etc.

The little girl sighs contentedly.

This was the beginning of a love affair with vampires, werewolves, and even zombies for the little girl.

Who would have thought it possible for a little girl to be so interested and mesmerized by such creatures of the night.

No, it was not the Twilight Zone.

But it was a beginning. The beginning of a...

Quirkyloon!

Lumbering Down the Zombie Trail

Here comes Zombie missing a tail.

Lumbering down the zombie trail.

Dragging all his limbs,

Along the way.




Looking for every girl and boy.

To eat for dinner, oh what joy.

No jelly beans for Tommy,

No colored eggs for sister Sue,

There’s a toe-tag on your Mommy,

The human race is now a feeding zoo.




Oh, here come Zombies on the trail.

Lumbering and dragging without fail.

Hippity, hoppity

Happy Zombie Apocalypse Day!









B.S.

Enjoy your jelly beans, Humans!

Bwahahahahahahahahaha!

Saturday Shakespearean Insult

Yep. It's time. Here is your weekly dose of Shakespearean verbal abuse.

"Thy tongue outvenoms all the worms of the Nile."
(Cymbeline)

Ouch Will!

I might need a whole box of band aids to salve the emotional wounds your barbed insult has inflicted.

This reminds me of a Sponge Bob Square Pants episode I was watching recently with my sons.

Squidward: "Sponge Bob, you are the bane of my existence!"

Sponge Bob: "Okay. So you wanna go jelly-fishing?"

Actually, we can all learn something from Sponge Bob here. Inevitably, we must all learn how to deal with the poisonous verbal barbs of others. It's part of the game of life. It's the nature of the human beast to be cruel at times. Sponge Bob has a good emotional protective shield against negativity and meanness. We all need to develop our own inner-guard against evil and nasty characters.

Sponge Bob: "Yippee Squidward, we get to be boating driving buddies!"

Squidward: "Oh really? I can't wait. Sponge Bob why don't you eat this special parasitic worm infested, like that found in the River Nile crabby patty I made just for you. You'll like it."

Sponge Bob: Sounds deliciously delightful Squidward. Thanks!

Oh, that Squidward is such a nasty and evile fellow.

*bzzzzz bzzzzz bzzzzz*

Uh, Squidward you might want to watch out for that jelly fish. They are known to have a vicious sting.

Hmm. Kind of like your (and Will's) vicious verbal stings.

Next time Squidward! You'll get yours.

Karma, baby, karma.

Or I could be wrong (hard to believe I know).

I might be in...

Da Nile.



Mwa-mwa-mwaaaaa!

*cue audience groaning and moaning*

Quirky Dearest - Going Bananas

Quirky Dearest,

Do you think the story behind the "Planet of the Apes" movie could ever really happen? I am fascinated with apes and gorillas. They are extremely intelligent creatures and I know it is only a matter of time before they start using their cognitive and verbal skills. And let's face it, the human race? Not very impressive or compassionate.

I look forward to the day when man and ape can coexist on the planet working hand-to-ape-hand to bring about a more joyous and peaceful existence for all.

Am I crazy for thinking this? For wishing this?

I'm going bananas for your reply.

Agog at Ape-Men

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Dear Agog,

I not only think this could happen. I know for a fact that it has happened.

Where have you been?

Get a clue...and a banana.

Gah.

Everyone knows that Charlton Heston reenacted this discovery in a movie called (surprise) "Planet of the Apes."

I've got a link where you can purchase your ticket(s) to go to the planet. It's www.livehappywithapes.com. It takes approximately three months to get there, during which time you will be sleeping in a cyber chamber. You will wake up relaxed and refreshed. Remember only two bags per person and no food or drinks allowed during the flight.

Go and live a happy life with the monkeys and apes. Give Cornelius and Zira my best.

Oh, and....if you believed ANY of this? I've got some prime swamp land on Planet of the Zombies I'd like to sell you.

Why do you want to live with talking apes? Can you not get along with homo-sapiens? If you think it's going to get better with pongidae?

I've got news for you.

You're wrong.

You need to get a life that includes interacting with humans, even as painful as that might be. Just do it. You'll find some friends...eventually. I mean somebody has got to be as desperate as you are. I'm sure the cosmic forces will lead you both to each other.

And then kismet.

Yay for you.

This has been the most painful and most boring letter yet.

Why do I continue bestowing my wisdom in generous heaps upon you needy advice seekers?

I know.

Because you would be so very lost without me and in deep, deep hooey.

Sigh. Now I have grown tired of this problem (yawn).

Quirky Dearest Out


B.S. Send the questions, people (or apes), to quirkydearest@gmail.com. (yawn)

Priceless...

Yes, I'm going there.

First box of Huggies 64 count disposable diapers: $20.00.
A Jezebel Wild Thing thong: $12.00.
Box of Super Plus Absorbency Depends: priceless.

First pair of L'Amour Girls Brown Patent Leather shoes: $38.00.
A pair of Nike Classic Cortez Nylon tennis shoes: $62.00.
Deluxe Rollator (walker): priceless.

A Vermont Sweetheart teddy bear: $49.95 + S&H.
One visit to the San Diego Zoo to see a bear: $60.00.
Teddy negligee: priceless.

A Taco Bell bean burrito: $1.00.
A plate of Feliberto's (Mexican dive) super nachos: $8.00.
Bottle of Beano: priceless.

First Baby Einstein Baby Mozart video: $15.99 + S&H.
First year of guitar lessons: $960.00.
Son becomes a rockstar and financially supports Mom forever: priceless.

First Sears Portrait baby photo: $8.00 plus sitting fee.
A 2009 Beverly Hills High School yearbook: $110.00.
Shamwow Vince Mug Shot: priceless.

First Complete Sand Water Beach Playset: $14.99.
A ToysRus Golf Easter basket: $15.99.
Evil Easter Bunny Zombie scaring the living daylights out of the entire human population: priceless.

You can't put a price tag on somethings in life.

They are: priceless.

Julia, Julia, Julia Do You Love MeMe....

Julia at Sometimes Lucid came up with a creative and fun blog meme.

I'm stealing it.

Well not really.

Her words:

"Play along. 5 things you think maybe be wrong, for one reason or another and 1 that you KNOW is wrong."

And we all know that Quirky is a play-uh!


Is this wrong?

• I feel sexually attracted to Richard Simmons' shiny, shaved legs.
  
  
• I like to pick at my eyebrow until I've rubbed the hair away. My left eyebrow is now separated by a thin patch of bare skin. I like the feel of the stubble as it tries to grow back in.
  
  
• I think the dirtier and sweatier Aragorn got? It made him hawt with a capital awt!
  
  
• Despite the fact that I believe in high moral standards, I fully support one type of whoring: a comment whore. Why? Because I am one.
  
  
• I do not judge others, especially by their appearance, but there is a man at my church that gives me major heebie jeebies. Everytime I see him...I think to myself, "He's a perv. I just know it." *shudders*
  
  
• I'm a rocker chick at heart, but sometimes I loves me some Milli Vanilli. So what if they were fakers! "Let's talk about, let's talk about baby. Don't forget my number. I've been searching high. I've been searching low. Wanna spend my life witchoooo!" Plus Rob and Fab looked pretty hawt in those spandex shorts. (rrrRRowrrr)

So apparently, you can guess which one or more of these is really true when you leave a comment. Because you are going to leave a comment aren't you?

Relax meme haters, I won't be tagging you. Yes, I know who you are. No, I will only be tagging some of my blog buddies who are NOT meme haters. That really narrows down my list.

So here goes.

Dizzie
Reffie
Eudea Mamia
Mary @ Holy Mackerel
Jenni Jiggety
Cameron


There are other buddies out there...and your turn shall come. But for today, these are the six lucky suckers recipients of this fun blog meme!

Don't curse me. Let's all grab our cups, shall we? Are you holding it?

Come on Cameron, I'm waiting for you. There, that's better.

Now imagine with me that we are pouring the cup half-full.

And now repeat after me: I will love this meme. It is free blog fodder. I will have fun. I love Quirky. She rawks. I will love this meme. I will not let the zombies overtake my mind. I will send Quirky money. I will have fun doing this meme. I am ever so grateful that she chose me.

Now smile. Jenni? You with us? I'm still waiting to see your gorgeous pearly whites.

There, that's much better.

Ha!

An Officer And A GentleQuirky

Shhhh!

I'm watching my movie. Can you keep it down?

(Quirky and Lynette in unison): "Pawla! You're just like me Pawla."

(Quirky and Paula in unison):"Oh no, I'm not."

That's right Girlfriend! You tell her!

Quirky places iron down.

That Lynette is such a wench! She claims to be Paula's "friend." Ha! She just finished breaking the heart of Sid Worley . She faked a pregnancy hoping to get a proposal. The guy fell for her hard. She rejects him because he quit the Naval Flight School. She only wanted him when she thought he was going to be pilot. She rejects his marriage proposal after letting him know that (surprise) she wasn't pregnant after all. He still wants to marry her!

Nuh-uh, no-way for this girlfriend.

Quirky takes a long, deep, satisfying drink of her Diet Pepsi. (Hey so it wasn't a Diet Dr. Pepper, she's allowed to...you know...change her mind. No?)

(Quirky and Lynette continue in unison with twangy accent): "There is no bay-bee. I got my purr-iod today. (Quirky and Zack nod sarcastically) He still wanted to murry me. Can you believe that? I don't want no Okie from Muskogee. Hey-ell, I kin git that 'round he-yere. Nobody DORs in the eleventh week! Nobody! Didn't he understand? I want to be the wife of an a-vee-a-tore!"

Quirky picks up the iron, starts ironing again.

That girl Lynette, nobody can accuse her of being wishy-washy. She's a gal who knows what she wants and will do ANYthing to get it.

(Quirky and Paula's parting words to Lynette in unison): "God help you."

(Quirky and Lynette): "You're just like me Pawla."

(Quirky and Paula): "Oh no, I'm not."

Can you believe this girl, Lynette? She's a piece of work, that one.

Quirky sighs.

Wow.

Quirky puts the iron back down.

Quirky starts sobbing.

Why does love have to be so hard?

This movie is the best movie EVER!

Dang, they just don't make movies like this anymore!

*sniffle*

Hand me a Kleenex, would you?

*honk*

(Quirky, Joe Cocker, and Jennifer Warnes)"Love will lift us up where we belong..."

*sob*

"...where the eagles fly..."

*honk*

"...on a mountain high..."

*sobbing louder*

"Oh ba-beeeee..."

*weeping, wailing, and nonstop tears gushing*

*SLAP*

Oh, sorry about that folks. I get just a little carried away with this movie.

Just a little.

Did I Forget Something?

What is it that I'm looking for again?

Where is it?

I can't find it anywhere.

Oh, this is where my hair-clip has been.

Who would have ever thought of looking under the computer desk.

There it is! The thought...

It's hovering....

Criminy!

Now, it is gone.

Completely.

I feel so lost.

Was it the dog food?

Yes, that's it!

Oh no, look here. A whole 40 pound bag.

Hmm.

There is something off.

I can't put my finger on it.

Has anybody seen...

*giggles*

What was it again?

Wasn't I looking for something?

Was I?

Hmm.

Oh, look! Here is that book I was looking for a year ago.

(blows on it)

Wow. Kind of dusty.

But that's still not it.

I don't think.

Wait.

It's coming.

Dang, I still don't remember.

*ring ring*

Hello?

Yes, this is Quirky.

What?

Oh my gawsh!

I'm so sorry!

I'll be right there.

Gotta go, folks.

I forgot something very important!

To pick up my kid from school!

Gulp.

That's what I lost!

In addition to...my mind!

Gah!

Go Away Little Girl

Well, I did it.

 

I've officially entered the group of Moms who let their tweens roam the mall. 

 

Now I did not drop him off and take off driving.  The apron strings are being cut, but there are still one or two dangling by a thin thread. 

 

Quirky Boy and his friend went walking around the mall while Quirky Little Brother and I went to the play area.

 

That's the best invention since Tums.  An indoor play area inside a mall. It's a real small place with a little alphabet pathway, where the kidlets can walk or run. There are also a few very small slides and cubby holes for them to climb through. 

 

It's a slice of heaven on a hot summer day in Arizona and you do not have a pool (thanks Hubs).

 

So Quirky Little Brother took off his shoes and ran off to play. Quirky Mom got to sit on one of the plump comfy benches that surround the entire area. (It serves as a "fence" to keep the kids in.)

 

Every once in awhile Quirky Boy and friend would come find me. (Probably to make sure I was still there....ha! He's having a hard time letting go of a few apron strings too!)

 

Anyhoo, Quirky Little Brother found a "friend" and the two of them chased each other until....a little girl noticed.

 

She was a younger girl. Quite cute, brunette curls, dressed in high-toddler fashion. She saw them, smiled and started chasing them. 

 

They loved it.

 

This went on for sometime and it dawned on me.

 

The "chase" starts at a very young age.  This is a chase that will span many years for my Quirky boys.

 

Girls chase boys and boys chase girls well into adulthood.  It's the grand game of love and life: finding infatuation or love or both. 

 

Let's face it, the teen years with the raging hormones of both boys and girls? I'm not looking forward to it. Personally, I would be thrilled, if lust only happened from a distance (a long, long distance) and real romance would not happen for both of my boys until college is finished and a job in place.

 

I know.  I can dream, can't I?

 

Quirky Little Brother was just beaming at this little girl chasing him. He's only five-years-old and she could not have been more than four-years of age.

 

For now I just smiled at her and she smiled back at me.

 

But in my mind, I was thinking only one thing.

 

Go away little girl.

 

Where is the Donny Osmond Muzak when you need it?

 

All The Blog Things

I feel like singing!

(And yes I have a very bad habit of breaking out in song whenever, wherever and whatever strikes my fancy.)

You lucky readers you!

I dedicate this song to all my little pee-jones (pigeons).
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

All the, blog things
Blog cares, blog brings
I'll take one more
Comment, don't be a bore!

Always, I know
You'll be, at my blog
Watching, waiting, commiserating

Say it ain't so, I will not go, turn the blog off, carry me home
Na, Na.......


Late night, come home
Blog sucks, I know
You left me now I know by my stats
Surprises let me know my blog is flat

Say it ain't so, I will not go, turn the blog off, carry me home

Na, Na......
Say it ain't so, I will not go, turn the blog off, carry me home

Keep my blog still I'll be your thrill, the blog will go on, my little
pee-jones!

Say it ain't so, I will not go, turn the blog off, carry me home keep my blog still, I'll be your thrill, the blog will go on, the night will go on, my little pee-jones.

(Blink 182, All The Small Things)

Ah, my blogging pee-jones...you have made me very happy! Very happy indeed!

Pucker up....

*smoochy smooches*

Saturday Shakespearean Insult

Today's Shakespearean insult comes from Henry IV part 2.


"You scullion! You rampallian! You fustilarian! I'll tickle your catastrophe!"

A scullion? I thought that was some sort of scallion, of the onion variety. Maybe with the olde English spelling? Anyhoo, I looked up the definition. Yeah, what a shock. I didn't already know the definition. So according to Webster online it means: a kitchen servant employed to do menial tasks (especially washing). Well I didn't realize that that is what the "S" stands for in SAHM. It's not Stay-at-home-Mom. It's Scullion-at-home-Mom. Because last time I checked? I do tons of menial tasks in the kitchen especially washing. Who knew that Will would peg this before it became a universal acronym. Prophetic, Will, genius prophetic!

Let us proceed to the next part of this ever so delightful insult. A rampallian? That's not a type of snake? Oh no, that would reptilian. Gah. So according to Webster it is: a mean wretch. Now Will, I'm offended. I resemble that word! Soothsayer, thou art Will. But in case YOU didn't know it Will? Being a base, despicable, vile person? It's totally "in," in the year 2009. Just take a look at politics.

Ooops, did I write that!?

What's this next word? Oh right. Fustilarian. This should be good. It is: a low fellow; a stinkard; a scoundrel. Hey Will, not of all us are as perfect as the dainty ladies of the 16th century. I try to remember to put on my deodorant. So sometimes I forget, no need to call me out on it. As for being a scoundrel. I admit it. I enjoy it. Thoroughly. Life would be exceptionally boring if it weren't for people like me who like to spice things up with some "scoundrelity."

Just sayin'.

Last but not least, you threaten to "tickle my catastrophe?" It's already been tickled Will. The zombies have descended and have tickled their way into every conceivable earthly catastrophe. You, Will, cannot hold a candle to the zombies. They rule.

Go ahead and keep trying Will. Try to insult us with your word mongering. Go ahead. It amuses me. Or shall I say, "It waxes delightful and entertainingly diverts my waning mind."

Whatever.

Will, throw out all the insults you want. I will (pun intended) not stand for it.

So go ahead, hit me with your best shot.

Fireth away.

Quirky Dearest #5 - Facebook

Quirky Dearest,

I've heard how wise and clever you are and I have a problem. So I'm coming to you with the hopes that you will enlighten me and help me out of a...delicate situation.

Quirky, may I address you as Quirky? I am facing a temptation that could potentially, but not definitely, harm my marriage.

I have a Facebook account and I wonder do you think it would be unwise of me to look up some old boyfriends? Not to hook up with, just out of curiosity. See what they've been up to? How many children they have, did his kids turn out cute? Is he bald? You know that sort of thing.

Dare I confess that I wonder if they ever think of me too.

Looking forward to your reply.

Tempted by the Fruit of a Facebook


Dear Fruity,

First of all, no you may NOT address me as Quirky. Dearest, yes, but not Quirky.

Second of all, kissing Quirky Dearest's butt, does not hinder my brutally honest reply policy.

Now as for your "delicate" problem, here is the answer.

"See what they've been up to?" Well they've been up to the same thing you've been doing. Living their lives and probably more than okay...without you.

"How many children they have?" He probably has one, two, three, or maybe even four (I doubt it, buy hey, it's possible).

"Are his children cute?" Well, of course they are not. But every parent thinks their child is the cutest and the bestest, blah, blah, blah vomit.

"Is he bald?" No, but his hair is definitely thinning.

"You know, that sort of thing?" No, I don't know that sort of thing, but I will say this. That sort of thing? Usually ends up in trouble. With a capital tee.

"And do they think of me?" Only on those really bad days when they say to themselves, "It could be worse...I could still be with..."

There is a reason these guys broke up with you, Honey.

And now? I'm tired and have grown bored of this problem. (yawn)

Quirky Dearest Out



B.S. Hey all you scaredy-cats...remember....send the question to quirkydearest@gmail.com. Stop being so scared. You have the asinine questions. I have all the answers.

Gah.

Moms Without Blogs-Quirky Edition

Hearken ye followers of Quirkyloon.

To get thine daily quirky humor, ye must go to Mammaries Moms Without Blogs. Clicketh here.

There shall ye find thine Quirkyloon with another one of the wench's funny, (she hope-eth) and silly (without a doubt-eth) posts.

Go now ye bloggers...go forth and read.

Well, what are ye awaiting for-eth?

Clicketh...

Noweth.

Ay, ye be a stubborn bunch-eth, eh?


Gah-eth!

An Olde English Curse

The English language.

You've come a long way baby!

Some of you might remember how I got a word published into the online Urban Dictionary for my entry, blognoy.

I'm still gushing with pride.

It is my pride and joy to be a word mongerer.

Some have wondered at my cache of "cuss" words and where on earth did I learn such benign expletives. Hey they work for me! If it ain't broke, don't fix it, right?

The origins of my curse words began many, many moons ago. During a time when a lady wore a corset, bonnet and many times held a parasol.

It is my pleasure to reintroduce to you (for those of you who may have forgotten) the curse words of olde English which have evolved over time into "Quirky" curse words.

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Criminy started out as "crimenee-eth."

"Crimenee-eth Sir Darcy! Thou shan't shoot me in me foote again-eth!"

Crap found its humble beginnings as "crapeth."

"Crapeth woman! How coulds't thou forgetest mine cleaning rag for mine derierre?"

Sheesh came from the olde English phrase, "surely thou jesteth!"

"Surely thou jesteth when thou sayest that thine mother is come to live with us permanently!"

Dang began as "dangeth."

"Dangeth to hades. How thou doth frustrate-eth me, ye wench!"

Dagnabbit was closely related to "dangeth", but an "it" was added to the end.

"Dangeth it! Thy tongue doth conspire against me... thou LIAR!"

Wha? came from the overly enuciated "whaT?"

"Ye zombies come forth and partaketh of the flesh of me lady....whaT?"


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Who knew olde English curses would evolve into such helpful, strong, expletives for a Quirkyloon like myself.

Isn't it amazing and fascinating what is spinning around in my old quirky brain?

Because when my quirky brain percolates?

Who knoweth what might speweth forth!

(LOL-eth!)




B.S.
When I opened my gmail today, this little ad message was at the top.


iZombie For The iPhone - www.lycanthropegames.com/
- Always wanted a pet Zombie? Purchase it.



Criminy!

I kiddeth you NOT!

*shudders*