Introducing.... Trader Toe's!
You can find your vegan products, kosher, heart healthy, vegetarian, no gluten ingredients used products; all the same quality high-end items at a fraction of the price.
Check out some of their best sellers.
- Gouda Squirt Cheese in a Can. It's so gooda, you won't be able to resist!
- Beef Jerky Meatballs. They last and last and last. Warning: This product is not recommended for those afflicted with TMJ.
- McCheese. This is our answer to McDonald's with our healthy gourmet version of macaroni and cheese. Enjoy a healthy serving of the macaroni cheese, with a side of bean sprouts and an 8 oz. container of soy milk. Your kids will never want to eat at a regular fat-laden McDonald's again!
- Variety of Organic Produce. All produce has been serenaded with 24/7 Phantom of the Opera organ music. The music enhances their growth production and how well they ripen.
- The Great Pumpkin Pancake Mix developed by none other than Linus Van Pelt (former friend and colleague of Charlie Brown). Our advice? Don't wait!
- Apple Crushers. These treats were developed by Apple's, Steve Wozniak (former flame of Kathy Griffin). He loved to snack while computing and came up with this delicious and nutritious snack.
- Meringue Cookies. Another great specialty item. You will be able to dance the merengue once you have eaten one dozen meringue cookies. Try the Green Chile Meringue Cookies for faster results (only six cookies need to be consumed for dancing results).
- Dark Chocolate Mint UFO's. What better snack to have while watching for UFO's? This cookie will complement any space gazing evening.
- Rainbows End Trail Mix. This item is a hot seller among our lesbian customers. We're not sure why, but we do know that each serving contains over 25g protein and only 4-6g net carbs!
- Extra Virgin Olive Oil. No longer in stock. Sadly, no virgins could be found to continue this product line.
- KaPOW Kung Pao Noodles & Sauce. Recommended by Superheroes all over the world, this dish will give you an extra adrenaline rush that will aid in fighting off bullies, vampires, and even zombies.
- Handcrafted Cheese & Green Chile Tamales. Each tamale is hand made and hand crafted by the Amish People. All proceeds go to the purhase of a complete Amish DIY Kit which includes: butter churn, lye soap recipe, five extra large bags of feathers, spinning wheel, and battery-operated flashlight.
- Pesto Pizza. Being overrun by pests? Put them on a pizza and then enjoy an eating sensation that beats all others. Ants, Flies, and Crickets are the top selling pizza topping pests. If you like it spicy, try the bees.
Look for a location near you at www.DEXKNOWS.com. And remember if it's not Trader Toe's it's not toetally delicious!
No tip-toeing necessary.
B.S. Trader Toe's is not affiliated with or endorsed by Trader Joe's. Any similarities are purely coincidental.
B.S.S. And if you believe that, I've got some Moon Land Plots I'd like to sell you.
12 comments:
Very good info. Too bad I don't eat organic food. But I really could've used the extra virgin olive oil. I hear it has restorative qualities...lol. Oh well!
And, they really do sell land on the moon. I'll have to find the site. (Unless you've already purchased the entire thing...lol)
If I were going to buy everything you're offering I'd need a toe truck to carry it all home. ;)
Toetally awesome. Hey do they have a catalog? And - anything for teetoetallers who want a nip now & then, you know - covers the breath?
Sneaky Marv
What a delightful offering and just in time for the holidays!
Amish Tamales? I dunno, I may have to pass on that one. My neighbor makes the best tamales at Christmas time.
@Collette I've been looking into organic food to help my singing voice. Maybe some of that "organ" will seep into my vocal chords. hee hee
@Noname I can always count on you to ham it up! hee hee
@TheOldSilly They don't have a catalog, but they do have a catoelog. Will that help? *smile*
@MeMe Good thinking! I'm stocking up on the Gouda Squirt Cheese. hee hee
Cat's ears perked up when I told him about the tamales. I think he thought I said "mouse burgers".
Anywho, I want some of the meringues and some pumpkin pancakes. Yum!
I'll have to pass on the rainnows and virgin goodies.
;-)
I will NOT shop at Trader Toe's because I do NOT believe the Amish can make a decent cheese and green chile tamale. The Amish just aren't....oh, I don't know....spicy enough.
P.S. -- Please get some help. I'm begging you now.
P.P.S. -- NoName should be punished for telling the oldest and worst joke of all time.
That was rather toe-talitarian of Mike. I think he's got a pretty shaky foot-hold on what's funny. ;)
# 9. bwahahahaha.
Quirky Genius has struck again.
('she has no idea why she thinks this is hilarious'..because it is.)
:)
I'll be a copy cat..... this was toetally funny!
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