Oh no!
I just remembered!
'Tis the season to share Christmas cookies.
Gulp.
I have a wonderful (and clueless) friend who keeps on insisting on making us a plate of a certain kind of cookie each holiday season.
Sweet, no?
NO!
More like torture!
I can't stand these cookies! And neither can the rest of the Quirky Family! I know it's incredibly rude, but who knew one act of "kindness" would lead to FOURTEEN torturous years of lies and deceit?
Yes, this has been going on for FOURTEEN years.
Egads.
This is what I get for lying out of kindness.
I remember our first year exchange:
Friend: "Merry Christmas Quirky!"
Q: "Oh, thanks so much for the cookies. Oh yes, we do like those kind of cookies."
Then the exchanges between years number two through ten:
Friend: "Merry Christmas! I know how much you like these cookies!"
(Dang! The plate got larger, as well as my eyes.)
Q: "Thanks."
Exchange since year eleven through... we're not done yet:
Friend (or Frenemy?): "Merry Christmas! Here's some more of those scrumptious cookies you guys like."
Q: "Thanks, you shouldn't have. Really, you SHOULDN'T have. You're so busy working and everything, please don't worry about us, we have enough goodies."
Friend(?): "Oh no, I INSIST."
Q: "Um, yeah thanks."
My cheeks hurt from the forced smiles.
Then? I gave the cookies away or to the dogs.
So it's 2009 and the holiday season is here.
And I know what is looming ahead of us just on the horizon.
Another season of cookie fear and loathing!
Where is the Cookie Monster when you need him?
"Cookie, cookie, cookie starts with BLECH!"
B.S. No cookies were harmed during the production of this post. Why? They haven't arrived yet. But they will. Dun, dun, dun!
B.B.S. Just guess what this B.S. is for. No, it has nothing to do with the commode, but it does have everything to do with a belly laugh or two. Go to Humor Bloggers dot com and read why.
B.B.B.S. No belly aches from laughter were harmful during the production of this post. However, several belly aches from a certain kind of cookie were definitely harmful: both physically and emotionally.
5 hours ago
16 comments:
Oh no, not the dreaded holiday cookies! Whatever you do, don't leave them for Santa or you will all get coal in your stockings! LOL!
If she reads your blog she may have gotten the message...and you won't be getting the cookies. Way to go Quirks. Mission accomplished.
Isn't he veggie monster now? That is so...wrong...
Unwanted Christmas cookies come in so handy for skeet shooting... just don't shoot your eye out.
@Collette Coal in the stockings? Yikes! Although maybe we should start collecting coal, it'll probably be very valuable in the next WEEK or two! hee hee
@Nomie Actually, she doesn't read my blog. I've told her about it and she responds with a glazed look in her eye. Probably thinking about baking more cookies. hee hee
@VE Dang obesity! I don't care. He's still a Cookie Monster that eats COOKIES! Ha!
@Catlady I love A Christmas Story! Ralphie is sooooo cute! And I love how he DOES shoot his eye out. Ooops did I just give away the ending? Sorry! hee hee hee
When she brings the cookies over, thank her and send her on her merry little fa-la-la-la-la-la way. Then, later that afternoon, rearrange her cookies on one of your plates and return them to her and her family where they belong. In your sweetest Quirky voice, "I hope you don't mind, I used your recipe this year".
@MeMe Hee hee hee. I should have known that you would have come up with a wise and utterly delightful solution! Now how come I didn't think of that? hee hee hee Thanks MeMe! I'm glad you got my back! hee hee
That's what blogs are for. Say what you REALLY mean and hope people get the message, lol. Yes, 'tis the season to be not so jolly when untasty morsels get forced upon our good, not-wanting-to-hurt-anyone's feelings consciences, hmm?
At least Reffie's rum balls were off the hook awesome!
The Old Silly
Are these European cookies?? I spent years listening to all my friends rave about cookies this one woman made - all they did was make me gag. Thank goodness she never gave me any - I think she used almond flour - blech and I love almonds in their pure form.
Ok enough about me - have a wonderful Quirky Christmas and we are sitting down tonight to watch Christmas Story - would you believe my husband has never seen it - horrors.
Maybe you could send them to me. Hubby's work friends will eat almost anything!
Oh, wait. I sent you cookies.....
Oh, well. I'm glad Marvin liked the rum balls!
I am so hurt right now I can barely type this hate comment. I have poured my love into those cookies for your family for 14 years now, thinking all the time that you liked them. And then I read this. I'm crushed. Next year, I'm sending you an even bigger plate. So screw you, you ungrateful Quirky.
Oh no. I give cookies to my neighbors every year. I wonder if they are writing blog posts about me. Damn.
@Marvin I didn't get the rum balls (I'm a dry Quirky!) But the fudge and cookies? Oh so scrumptious!
@Joanne Never. Seen. A. Christmas. Story? *thud* Thank goodness you are rectifying it NOW! (I love that movie!)
@Reffie Honest GF, your cookies were delish. These are those p-nut butter cookies with the hershey's kiss. I know. We're strange. But NONE of us like them!
@MikeWJ Dang! You're undercover? You are really my friend's hubbie? Dang! I never knew "he" was so smart! Ha!
@Deb I know. I'm going to cookie hades for being such an ingrate. I'll probably be consigned to eat Nutrisystem cookies for eternity! hee hee
I really like your blog. I am a first-time visitor, but I observe every site I submit a comment to. I have a humor blog myself, which I hope to be a top place for people to come and laugh. Life is hard enough and you sometimes need to just sit back and laugh a little.
I'd like to exchange links with you to help spread traffic around to each. Keep up the good work. You can contact me by simply placing a comment on my site.
Happy Holidays!
Jason
HilariousHeadlines.com
And you know, it's pretty hard to eff up cookies!
@Jason Nope, I like to laugh ALOT, not just a little. hee hee
@adrienzgirl I think we are just picky. No, not us! Well maybe. hee hee
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