Quirky Hallmark

Did I ever mention that I applied for a job with Hallmark many moons ago?

I was positive I was going to get the job. I thought, no, I knew I could contribute some outstanding card sentiments that would send their sales right through the roof! I had no doubt of my capabilities and that my writing talent would boggle their minds.

They would just love me.

I would love working for them.

A win-win situation, no?

After completing a two-page application, I noticed a huge blank space on the last page. I read the directions carefully, and joy gurgled in my throat.

They wanted writing samples.

Ye-eah, baby! Suh-weet!

I was excited. I was going to knock the socks off this writing challenge. I could feel the creative juices flowing through my veins.

After two minutes, I was done. I rushed home so I could rewrite my samples. I wanted a copy to keep for my hope chest. I remember gingerly placing it in the chest, under my embroidered dish cloths. I came across it just the other day when I was looking for a clean dish towel and now I am ready to share it with all of you!

The first card example was for a funeral.

Cover:

Our Deepest Sympathies

Inside:

And Our Greatest Congratulations!

You've got one less mouth to feed!

The second card sample: a wedding.

Cover:

Congratulations!

Inside:

Butterflies
Dirt
Bobby Pins
Plates
Steam Engine
Paper

Love is a collage. May yours be colorful and joyous.

And the last card sample: a birthday.

Cover:

Gay Day of Creation!

Inside:

Aging is what happens to people who live!
So quit your whining and be glad you're not dead!

Oh, excuse me! I got verklempt!

(Quirky fans away the sudden onset of emotions from her eyes.)

I was so proud. I could not believe the depth of my creativity. My submissions were pure genius. Brilliant! Magnificent!

So I was quite dumbfounded when I never heard from Hallmark again.

I called the company several times, but kept on getting disconnected. I never did find out what the problem was with the phone lines.

Hmm.

I can't help but wonder what different path my life might have taken had I gotten the job.

I try not to get caught up in the past.

After all, it is the past and that is where it shall remain.

But every time I pass the Hallmark card aisle, I feel a whiff of nostalgia come over me.

And yes, I do.

I wonder why.

Why?

Hmm.




B.S. No Hallmark employees were harmed during the production of this post, well maybe in my dreams.