I'm sorry to say, I need a job.
And fast.
So as I sat and pondered what type of job I should apply for, yet another light-bulb went off in my head.
Strange how that's been happening so often of late.
Well it's strange for me since I pride myself on maintaining a synpatically-challenged brain.
I digress.
The light-bulb moment.
Ah, yes. As I sat here pondering what kind of job I should apply for I remembered something.
There has arisen a specific "need" in a certain market.
This market has actually lost two of its most popular spokespersons.
I intend to be their major replacement.
Yes, I am referring to becoming an Infomercial Spokesperson.
Yes, I will be the new Billy Mays (R.I.P) and the new Vince Shamwow (now, a convicted felon) all rolled into one loony person.
I will outsell, outshine, and most importantly, out yell those two!
I can do this thing.
I know I can.
And I know which product I want to start my new infomercial spokesperson career with. It's a book!
As I mentioned, I love books.
However, this book, is very special.
And I will be the person to shout out the wonders of this book to the entire television viewing world.
I can't wait!
What?
Yes! I will.
Why not do a trial infomercial with you all.
Sure, I'm game!
Hi, Quirkyloon here with a book I know you will want to buy. This book is destined to be the number one seller of all book sales ever. It will shoot straight to number one and stay there for years.
This book contains the most valuable knowledge and information that anyone could ever hope to have all wrapped up so nicely in one source.
No more Googling, Yahooing, or Dogpiling searches. Search no more! This book has the answer to one of life's greatest mysteries.
You will be astounded.
You will wonder how you ever got through life without it.
Yes, it's that good.
And for the very low price $24.95, this special, fantastic book can be yours. And if you order now, we'll give you free shipping.
Don't wait. Pick up your phone now. You know you don't want to be the only person who doesn't have this book in their own personal library.
Call us at 1-800-BUY-BOOK.
And if you call within the next ten minutes, we'll give you the pocket copy available only through this offer.
And now, it is my pleasure to reveal to you this incredible book.
"Become INVISIBLE: The Secret of Invisibility REVEALED"
This is not a joke, folks.
You will be able to become invisible anytime and anyplace.
Imagine the benefits of being invisible.
Want to know what your kids up to? Tag along unseen.
Want to know where your husband goes after work? Follow him sight unseen.
Want to know the bank's vault combination? You will be worth your ghostly weight in gold!
Yes, order now!
Become Invisible today!
So what do you think?
I'm a shoe-in aren't I?
Yep, I got this one in the bag.
Hey!
Who are these people?
A white coat? What? I'm supposed to put that thing on?
What's going on?
What is up with those sleeves?
Are those sleeves?
Hello? Hello?
Why isn't anybody answering me?
Why won't you look at me!
Hello?
Why are you acting like...
I'm invisible!
Hmm, maybe I should've stuck with my original idea: become a professional synchronized swimmer.
Hmm.
B.S. No books were burned during the production of this post. Quirky's dream-job bubble was totally busted, she seeks her solace in an ice-cold glass of Diet Dr. Pepper. *burp*
11 comments:
I was ready to buy. You would do so well in that job!
Becoming invisible is something that I've always wanted. Wouldn't that be great for stalkers and peeping Toms?
Synchronized swimming? Um, no. How about synchronized floating?
Synchronized DDP drinking!
I'd hire ya! (Please send your PayPal link ASAP so I can buy the book within the next ten minutes.)
LOL I thought you said your hubby hid your stash of meds and Dr Pepper??
You had me at Free Shipping!
I'm sold, and you're hired. I've been needing a top notch infomercial lady to hawk my literary wares. Please report to my office tomorrow morning at 8am sharp, we'll film the first segment.
What? Don't tell me the competition has already offered you a contract!? Noooooo, Quirky - say it isn't so!
The Old Silly
Wow, or should I say, "Scam-Wow"! There's no such book now is there, Quirky? There, there now. Just slip your hands into those lovely shiny bracelets.
Geez, Quirky, I think you'd be in-visible like flynt, man. I think you're like The Invisible Boy in Mystery Men who's only invisible when everyone else turns away. hahaha Another great missive. Oh yeah, and if they take you away, give 'em my name - I'm sure they'd turn ya loose if a nonamedufus vouched for ya.
Nice purple padded wall you have here. And they did give you Diet Dr. Pepper. What a nice place! Uh. no, I won't be staying. Really, I don't belong here...Uh, someone, Quirky, tell them......
@Reffie Hey, synchronized floating sounds much easier. Yeah, I'll go for that!
@MrC That sounds even better than the floating...I'll take this job instead. Mmm-mmm!
@Catlady Sorry, we ran out of books! So sad, so so sad! *smile*
@Joanne He did! This is my "normal" state of being. Ha!
@AmyLK It's a screamin' deal! I'm glad I sold you, because it was ME that sold you, right? hee hee
@Marvin Your literary wares? You have literary wares? I never knew! hee hee
@MeMe Scam-wow! Ha! I like that! And the shiny bracelets are so very ....... shiny! Me likey.
@Noname Thank-you for offering your "help" in getting me out of the loony bin, but really I'm quite comfy here. Just sayin'.
@Collette "One is the loneliest number that you'll ever do..." Come on, Collette don't leave a Quirkyloon to be all on her lonesome! Please? hee hee
i thought you weren't allowed to sell anything for over $19.99.
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