I'm A Little Bit Evil, I'm A Little Bit Loonatick

(Enter if you dare into the loony mind of one Quirky.)

I love going to Sam's Club.

So many things to look at and covet.

Wow, check it out. There are some really great deals on meat!

Mmm. Meat.

Oh, and looky there a huge box of raisins! Must buy.

Oh my gawsh...what kind of delicacy is that? That cake looks sooooo delicious. Cranberry Orange Brunch Cake? I can taste it already. Yum, yum, yum! (Or in zombie-language: nomnomnomnomnom!)

Chicken-pot, chicken-pot, chicken-pot pie!

Look! Look! Look at all that bread!

(Quirky starts to salivate.)

I really should've had some breakfast before coming here.

I want to buy everything.

But where would I store it all?

On my hips, of course.

Uh, oh. Thank goodness Quirky Son #1 (12-year-old) is NOT with me. Look at the IPODs! Yeah, guess who wants an IPOD Touch for Christmas?

Sure hope that synchronized swimming job comes soon.

But, but, but (pun intended, read on, you'll see)! Wait!

Oh my gawsh, I have died and gone to heaven (no, no motorcycles in the building).

Toilet paper!

Rolls and rolls and rolls of it.

Suh-weet!

One can never have too much toilet paper.

I thank heaven each and every day for this modern convenience.

Okay, get me out of here, before I spend one more dime.

Ack, who am I kidding nobody ever spends just a dime in a Sam's Club.

(Quirky approaches cashiers.)

Nice, no waiting.

(Cashier starts scanning items after she looks at my identification card. She looks at me again and at the card again. Then she does it again? What the card?)

Quirky thinks: "What gives, wench? Why do you keep looking at my card and then back at me? It MUST be my astounding beauty. I know, I know. It's not easy being me."

"Mrs. Quirky?"

"Yes?"

"Did you find everything you needed today?"

Quirky nods yes and thinks to herself: "I found too much today. And is that what she was looking for? My name? Well...pfft to her!"

(The cashier starts scanning my items.)

*beep*

*beep*

*beep*

*beep*

*beep*

"Will that be all Mrs. Quirky?"

"Um, yes, it will, thank-you."

Quirky thinks to herself: "Oh, I need a box."

Quirky grabs a box, checks its sturdiness and is satisfied.

Quirky pushes her cart out to her car to unload. "Dang, too bad QS#1 isn't here, he usually does all my loading and unloading."

Quirky picks up the 32-can case of Diet Dr. Pepper and puts it in the trunk of her car.

Oh, didn't I mention that I "saw" that too?

Oh, we-ell.

Quirky gets into her car and drives home. She stops the car, pops the trunk lid open and hauls in the DDP case. She goes back for the other box and as she lifts it, she gasps.

She almost drops the box.

And then she starts laughing.

She hauls the box into her kitchen and takes another look at the box.

And this is what she sees:



Ha!

Well there goes that plan.

You see, I was planning on reusing the box.

How?

It is the perfect size to haul a meal from my car into a person's house. And I've been known to do that from time to time. You know, cook for others.

And they lived!

Somehow, I'm thinking that I won't be using this box.

On the other hand, maybe I will.

Yes, I'm evile that way.

And I love to freak others out as often as I can get away with it.

So if you go bulk buying at a Costco or Sam's Club, don't be in such a hurry that you scurry away with a jumbo tampon box!

Unless, like me, you like being evile too.

Bwahahahahahaha!