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They're creepy and they're kooky,
Mysterious and goopy,
They're all together oozing,
The toe jam of Quirky.
Her big toes are repulsive
Yet zombies long to see 'em
They really are a scree-umm
The toe jam of Quirky.
(Feet)
(Reek)
(Sten-chy)
So get yourself some futspa
A potent anti fungal
We're gonna put some drops on
The toe jam of Quirky.
A little "song" to get us started on a not so pleasant subject. You can thank the wonderful, creative, and most of all funny bloggers at HumorBloggersDotCom for the stinky idea to blog about... feet!
Yes folks, it is the Humor Bloggers Feet Friday event extraordinaire!
Take a deep sniff, erm, I mean breath.
It's already smelling... not quite like roses in here. Sorry. (Quirky blushes.)
As you can see (see above image if you need
So what is toe jam?
Is it jam we spread on our toast?
No, no, no, no, NO! Toe jam should never been mistaken for strawberry jam. There is a slight difference in taste, texture and color. And you'll just have to trust me when I say that strawberry jam is much tastier on toast. Unless you are an ogre, than anything is game to go on toast.
So is toe jam another English expression to describe the movement of a toe dancing to Aerosmith rock music?
Hmm. Very well could be and with good reason. After all, we know that toes love to jam to the classic tunes of Steven Tyler, Joe Perry and the boys. Oh, you didn't know this? Go ahead, turn on your IPOD or MP3 player and play some Aerosmith. I guarantee you, your toes will be dancing and jamming in no time. My toes especially love jamming to Dream On, Pink, Angel, Sweet Emotion and Livin' on the Edge.
Perhaps toe jam is nothing more than another "redneck" expression. I took the liberty of looking up the word for you and from the American Rednecks Slang Dictionary of the Quirky Kind, "toe jam" describes the past action of telling.
"Didja show Aunt Lolita and Uncle Beau where the outhouse be?"
"Oh yeah. I toe jam. It's a good thing I did too, cuz I didn't want them to use that chamberpot by mistake. It's got our pig feet marinatin' in it right now. It's gonna be a goooood barbecue! So yessiree, dont'choo be worryin'. I most definitely toe jam."
Ugh.
Okay. I'll just go ahead and put you out of your toe jam misery. According to Allwords dot com toe jam is "the accumulated matter in between the digits of the foot."
Ah! Mystery solved. Somehow I think you all might have already known this. But in case you didn't know, now you do.
We all do!
Happy happy joy joy!
And now my toes? They feel like jamming!
Toe jam and all.
(Quirky turns up the Aerosmith music to 110 decibel level.)
CAN YOU HEAR THE MUSIC?
LET'S JAM!
Toe jam.
(Quirky scrunches up her nose and sniffs.)
Criminy! Where is the corn starch?
Don't forget to visit Humor Bloggers dot com to read other funny feet posts!
14 comments:
Woohooo! I knew you would give this tickly subject a great spin. You are funny as all get out, as usual.
Didn't Eddy Vedder play with that foot grunge group Toe Jam?
I actually don't think I did know what "toe jam" was. I was thinking it was when you jammed your toe on something. Ouch.
madam, i am offended that you would even consider referring to your podiatrical pestilences as 'dogs'. may i offer alternatives for you to consider:
hogs
grass smashers
toe club for women
thank you for your immediate attention to this detail.
@Etta Thanks! I am Quirky from my head to my...toes! Ha!
@Noname Yes. I've heard of them, but don't know their music. Shocking, I know.
@UR Good point. But now you know people who jam their toes are just putting jam ON their toes. Aren't you glad you read my blog today? *smile*
@Nooter Ooops. I didn't mean to step on any toes! hee hee I officially declare my toes as piggies. Don't want the Nooter to get his sniffies all up in a bunch! hee hee
Toe Jam or not toe Jam - that is without a question the most questionable question ever in question. I read Reforming Geek's toe-ie tribute a few days ago, you humor blogger gals are really stickin' you FEET into this subject! LOL
Thanks for the need for stitches today, Quirkster!
Marvin D Wilson
Note to self, I probably should have read this PRIOR to lunch. :) (I was wondering if you'd work zombies in somehow... and yes, you didn't disappoint.)
There is no tip-toeing around this subject is there? I'm so glad I waited until I had my jam on my toast this morning to read this.
I'm glad you are keeping the zombies occupied. They will fill up on you and stay away from me!
;-)
@TheOldSilly Stitches? Those are a zombie gal's best friend! Great accessory! Who wants clear, unblemished skin. Pfft.
@Jenn Yes, my inner zombie came out...once again! Ha!
@Reffie Zombies do like jam. You might want to stay away from the stuff. It might attract them. hee hee
AWESOME. I seriously did not know what toe jam was until like 10 years ago. Maybe I misunderstood my Aunt and Uncle? JK on that part.
Pedicures should be featured on Dirty Jobs.
Quirky, how DO you do it? You slay me every time.
Once I got the puke wiped off my shirt, I really began to appreciate this post, from the opening song to the Ren and Stimpy reference near the end. Nice work! You have lived up to your name.
Oh fine. Now I have to spend the rest of the night with the Addams Family theme going through my head, which wouldn't be so bad except it's fighting for space there with Dream On, and the two just don't go well together.
Zombie feet. Who'd a thunk it?
What. The. Bloody. Hell?
@Mamaface It was a recent discovery for me toe, I mean too. *smile*
@Mike Thank you sir! I love being called Quirky and a Loon. *smile*
@FrankLee Yeah don'tchoo hate when that happens? I hope the Dream On won the battle!
@Chris You have problem with zombie toe jam? hee hee
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