I Graduated!

I am 48 years young.

I've gone through a medically induced menopause.

I've kinda sort of beaten TWO freakin' cancers, well at least knocked it down to a doable level. So she's lazing about on a few areas of my bones. At least she's only lazing not kicking up a storm.

This is a good thing.

And now... I have one more accolade to celebrate!

I've entered into a new phase of my life.

I graduated! No, not another Bachelor's degree (I have a worthless one under my belt), not a master's degree, so that means it can't be a PHD either.

No, this one is special.

I, yours truly, am now the proud user of....drum roll please....

Poise.

As in pads.

Yes, I'm well on my way to regular Depends usage.

But must take baby steps.

And look at all the frou frou design!

Pads have come a long way baby.

An I'm all over that!

And now?

I got poise.

However, the plumbing?

Ain't what it used to be.







B.S. No Kotex products were harmed during the production of this post.

Utterly Cukeless!

I'd like to say it's chemo brain.

But it's not.

I was dense long before the sweet poison was pumped into my veins.

And I live.

Sort of like Mike Myers.

Or Freddy Krueger.

Anyway, I'm here to 'fess up.

Once again.

Hence I give to you: Words Quirky Thought She Was Pronouncing Correctly.

The word banal.

I always, always, ALWAYS thought this rhymed with anal. I just recently heard the word on a Law & Order episode and laughed out loud. My husband asked, "What's so funny?" I replied, "Did you hear *snicker, snicker* how they said the word, banal? *snort, snort* It's supposed to rhyme with anal."

Uh nope.

He gently corrected me and asked if we had any q-tips.

Apparently, I was wrong. It is bun-owl, rhyming with canal. Or sometimes bu-nahl  with the last syllable rhyming with "doll".

Really?

Really, really.

Gah.

Then...the next word.

Macabre. 

You probably KNOW how I thought this word SHOULD be pronounced.

Maa-cuh-ber.

Nope.

It's maw-cawb.

What the flip?

There's clearly THREE syllables in the word.

I dunno.

I think MY pronunciation sounds better (rhymes with get her!).

I'm stumped.

And sort of stoopid.

But I guess that's why people think I'm cute. Erm, I mean a cuke (rhymes with kook).

Ahem.






B.S. No corncawbs were harmed during the production of this post.

Fans!

I wants them!

Bad.

Real bad.

And not just for me.

But for you. And you. And even you over there! Yes, I see you peeking through the cyber veil.

Oh, wait.

Did you think I meant blog fans? As in more followers? Fans of this site? Fans of the loon? Fans of La Quirky? Fans to adore me? To praise me? To love me and shower me with gifts (preferably cash)?

Pshaw.

Those kind of "fans" are way overrated.

Well, that's what my pride tells me and I'm sticking to that story.

Ahem.

No, I mean bathroom fans.

Enough with youse people hearing my bidness!

Nor do I want to hear YOURS.

It's spooky.

And why on earth, do these general contractors believe that if there's a window, there is no need for a fan.

Quirkyloon's Number 1 Fan

Does a window mask the sounds?

Hardly.

Not even close.

I want LOUD fans in every single bathroom in the United States, Europe, and Costa Rica.  I might consider the Middle East, if they would learn to play nice.

We need fans.

LOUD fans, very LOUD fans.

I'm always doing a lot of business in the loo and I'd rather you and you and yes, you over there NOT hear about it.

So I'm ready to issue a mass email asking for every body's help on this very important issue.

Which reminds me.

Tissue paper aka toilet paper or terlet paper if you speak in Bunkerisms (not to be confused with speaking in tongues).

You must keep an extra roll around! Or at least leave one under the counter. Come on now.

And what is this business of toilet paper carcasses? You know where one or two measly little squares are hanging on by a thread?

I think with the start of the new year we should unite and attack this serious issue.

At least until December 21st.

Then it won't matter anymore.








B.S. No terlets were harmed during the production of this post.